Is There a Perfect Woman for Me? Survey Results!

Last week, I created a survey and posted a link to it on my blog, craigslist, Facebook, and Twitter. The intent of the survey was to determine if there is such thing as the “perfect woman” out there for me–on paper, at least. I thought I’d get somewhere between 15-20 people to respond to the survey–mostly blog readers and Twitter followers.

As of tonight, 133 women have responded to the survey.

Sure, there might be a few men in there, but any men who took the survey and commented on the blog left an IP address in their wake, with which I was able to cancel their responses (other than the IP addresses, I have no idea who took the survey). Also, intriguingly enough, there were several people who took the survey multiple times and “improved” their scores the second time around. I appreciate the effort, ladies, but why? I canceled the duplicate responses. Either way, 133 women! That’s incredible!

I asked a variety of questions, some a bit logistical (height, age, etc.), others digging much deeper into who people really are. Most of those questions were situational in nature, but it wasn’t the actual situation I was interested in–I was more interested in how those answers reflected on the person’s principles, character, and true preferences.

If you haven’t taken the survey, feel free to do so now before I dig deeper into the responses.

Here are some encouraging results (for me in particular):

  • 68% like cats
  • 58% wear just a little makeup
  • 86% are nonsmokers
  • 70% are 5’7″ or less
  • 57% read in bed before falling asleep
  • 86% have a creative passion
  • 63% can throw a Frisbee or football 25+ yards
  • 98% got the grammar question right

Here are some less encouraging results:

  • Only 44% of women would believe their boyfriend if he tells them he’s not mad at them: This is all about trust. The more trust you show your partner, the more honest they’re going to be with you even when it’s tough to be honest.
  • Only 11% of women keep their homes between 75 and 80 degrees: Yikes. I knew I was the outlier here, but only 11%? I’m in trouble.
  • Only 9% of women chose Settlers of Catan as their  game of choice: It really gets my juices flowing when a woman likes a social strategy game like Catan.
  • 39% would want to talk through a serious topic even though it’s late at night: Okay. People, I know it’s tough sometimes and you “need” to get something off your chest, but I’m telling you that midnight is not the time to do that. Amanda says it the best in the comments: “Have you ever tried to reasonably discuss something with someone when you’re tired? It never ends well and both people usually regret it in the morning. Nothing wrong with waiting until morning when everyone is rested as opposed to being tired and crabby and arguing at whatever hour of the night.” Yes! Yes, Amanda. Thank you.

Some quick clarifications:

  • 85% women said they don’t have irreconcilable rules about race or religion. I think that’s great. I put ethics and morals above religious tenants or heritage, and I put how people act on those ethics and morals above what they say they believe in. I cringe when I hear people say, “I don’t date non-[insert religion].” I mean, isn’t that very close to saying, hypothetically, “I don’t date Asians”? You’re making decisions about people in a shallow way without knowing anything about them. Not a fan.
  • 60% of people said that the key to a good kisser is about awareness of the other person. I actually think that’s the right answer for anyone, not just me. And it says more about the person than just their kissing skills–I’m drawn to people who are aware of all the other humans around them every day. Some people have it, some don’t.
  • I asked women how often they work out. The reason why 5-7 times a week was the “wrong” answer (perhaps unfairly so) is that I think some people obsess about working out, and that’s not all that attractive to me. There’s a lot to do in our lifetimes…why not balance your schedule a little bit? But really, this question may be unfair. Just trying to weed out the really obsessive types.

Okay, here’s my take on this: If I have a girlfriend (Amy Adams), I probably spend the majority of my social time and energy on her. So if we go to a party where we each know other people, I think it’s a really healthy time to spend the majority of the evening enjoying the company of people who we don’t see all that often. I’d love to catch Amy’s eye a few times over the course of the night, join her in conversations a few times here and there, but for the most part, I don’t need or want Amy by my side in those situations. We’re going home together, so we’ll have quality time then.

As you can see, there are multiple “correct” answers to this question. The most controversy is over my exclusion of “venting to your boyfriend.” This is a tricky one, and I can see how that “wrong” answer kind of makes me look like a jerk. Don’t get me wrong–I’m there for a girlfriend if she needs to talk. But I know from experience that things get rough if I’m the ONLY person my girlfriend talks to about stressful things. Also, this question is about personal responsibility–do you take responsibility for your stress and try to improve your life, or do you just complain about it? That’s the heart of it.

I realized after posting this question that I didn’t actually include the best possible answer for me: Enjoy the touch as you continue to watch the show AND start to tease the guy too. At the heart of this is that most woman I’ve encountered can’t handle a little playful teasing. Their immediate reaction is to start to get it on. But I like teasing, and I like to be teased. And if I intentionally sat down with my girlfriend to watch a show, why not use the show as the time limit for teasing? That way you don’t think I’m going to just tease you and not follow through, and it gives you time to respond to my teasing in a fun way. Has anyone else experienced what I’m talking about? Maybe I’m in the minority here.

Okay, enough with the nitty-gritty. How about the results?

(So, e.g., 42 people [32% of respondents] answered between 11 and 15 questions correctly.)

Let’s focus on the big number: There’s a perfect score out there. As of now, she has not contacted me. If you’re out there, Miss 100%, shoot me an e-mail ( I’m just curious, that’s all.

A huge thanks to everyone who participated in this survey. I’ve learned a lot about women by going over the results, and I hope you learned something about me as well. Share any thoughts you have in the comments.

19 Responses to “Is There a Perfect Woman for Me? Survey Results!”

  1. Amanda says:

    I was excited to see these results,I’ve been waiting for them ever since I turned in my pathetic, incompatible 14/25. I liked your clarifications, especially since I was confused as to why some of my seemingly right answers were wrong. I’ll be one of the first women to confess that yes, I did take it twice. My reasoning was that I wanted a copy of the correct answers and because some weeks I don’t workout in the obsessive range so I thought maybe I could help my score lol. I think the best score I got was 19/25 so I’m still not compatible and should just move on. I did keep getting the social party question wrong, and the reason why eluded me until I saw your reasoning. As stupid as it sounds, I didn’t stop to think that I would be spending a good amount of my time and energy on my significant other. I look at it now and it’s one of those “DUH” moments, of course I would be with him for a good majority of my time. Overall it was a very informative survey, Jamey dear, and I’m kind of hoping there’s a sequel in the future.

  2. Amanda says:

    Maybe I’ll get up the nerve and be that woman, I’m just having trouble coming up with meaningful questions.

  3. Zu Zu says:

    I think you are shooting yourself in the foot here. Required watching: Groundhog Day (Bill Murray). Your potential dates now have the advantage, as did Bill Murray, of learning all your likes and dislikes and essentially what you are looking for in a mate (which sounds like a female version of yourself). This is a horrible thing. Again, note how it turned out in the movie. It takes long enough during the initial dating process to get to the point where you are acting like your real self and not some idealized version of yourself anyway without adding the possibility of a person also acting like they meet your ideal, when in fact, they never will. And, while we are on that subject, I’d like to suggest to you that no one will be exactly like you and have all the same likes/dislikes etc….as you. This is not only not possible, but is not a good thing anyway. The whole idea of a relationship is to fall in love with who you fall in love with regardless of if you share every last thing in common. Then, as long as the person isn’t psycho and agrees that you both want to grow and improve yourselves as a unit and individually (this could be a whole other and lengthy reply), you learn to not only live with but LOVE all the things that make you different. This helps you grow as a person too. This is easier to do if you just can’t but help fall for the person right off the bat of course. But, you aren’t open to letting that happen because of your internal checklist and your mistake in putting out there what you are looking for. It would be hard for anybody you plan a date with not to find this information online and for that to effect them in some way prior to your date. In my opinion, your best bet would be to remove these type of posts from your blog and try to meet someone spontaneously out in public where there is an obvious spark. Then, don’t worry about your checklist when you do have a date(s) with them.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Zu Zu–Thanks for your comment. You make some great points about being yourself, not giving away all information about yourself before meeting someone, and leaving plenty of room to get to know someone.

      The thing is, I can see both sides of the coin. Say I meet someone in public and there’s an immediate spark. Later I find that they smoke. That’s a true dealbreaker for me (unlike some of the items in the survey, which present ideal circumstances, but aren’t true dealbreakers). Then we’ve wasted both of our time when we could have filtered out that dealbreaker from day one.

      I heartily agree that the survey is far from perfect. I’m actually planning on launching a new one that boils everything down to true dealbreakers. I do like writing about this stuff and will continue to do so, but I try to caution women that the sheer amount of information on my blog my be overwhelming, especially when we’re trying to get to know each other through normal means of communication.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Oh, and Groundhog Day is a fantastic movie.

  4. Zu Zu says:

    I think warning women about your blog is counter productive as well. It’s like telling a three year old not to go in a certain room in your house because there is something they shouldn’t get into in there. This makes them all the more curious about what’s in there and how it affects them. You can be damn sure they will check it out and read more into it than they probably should.

    And, as far as deal breakers, let me ask you this: would it be a deal breaker if a woman was a FORMER smoker? I hate smoking, probably more than you do, but would not discount a former smoker or probably even a current one (as long as he didn’t smell) if I was truly attracted to him (again the smell could not be present). I would hope he would quit of course – because it would be important to me to have a healthy mate – but we can’t guarantee that healthy choices made or not. The point for me really would be that – if I had an immediate connection with someone who turned out to be a smoker, there would still be nothing I could do about that immediate connection. You almost become a slave to it. That alone could not negate the attraction nor the ability to want to act on the attraction. The only justification I’d have for not pursuing it would be some sort of mental or physical abuse toward me that put me in danger. Unfortunately some people never are able to justify getting out under those circumstances (which is a whole other post again). Maybe you just aren’t the type of person that has those totally awesome, immediate attractions that some people (me being one) are lucky enough to have. If that is the case, my condolences. And, before you say “well you said that smelling would be a deal breaker so you have deal breakers too” – the smell would not allow an attraction to begin in the first place. You were talking about having the spark, THEN coming to know that they are a smoker. That’s the difference.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Zu Zu–That’s a fair point. What I actually say is that if a woman I’m getting to know wants to read my blog, I ask them to make it a conversation, not a research project. It has led to some great conversations.

      Former smoker…maybe. Current smoker, definitely not. It’s a disgusting habit.

      See, I see what you’re saying about being a “slave” to that immediate connection, but I don’t want to be a slave to my primal instincts. I’ve tried that, and the result every time is very intense sexual attraction to someone to whom I am otherwise not attracted at all (mentally, intellectually, emotionally, etc). Not to say those flings aren’t fun–in fact, sometimes I prefer them over something deeper–but I’m on Match, not AdultFriendFinder.

  5. Zu Zu says:

    “I don’t want to be a slave to my primal instincts” = dealbreaker! 🙂 Seriously though, I think the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive (strong sexual attraction and strong mental/intellectual/emotional attraction). If you give in a bit more, I think you’ll find those other things may not be so significant after all.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Haha…nice dealbreaker. 🙂 And I totally agree that the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive…I think that’s just the pattern I’ve found in my own life so far, unfortunately.

      You’ve given me some good food for thought. I won’t budge on the smoker thing, but I think my core dealbreaker list might be MUCH shorter than before.

  6. […] for older posts and odd Google searches, so I was surprised when 133 women filled out the survey (results here). I think a few of them even ended up contacting me, which was very […]

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