Two years ago on July 4, I went to the emergency room so that doctors could puncture a peritonsillar abscess in my throat that was filled with pus.
Last year on July 5, I went to the doctor’s office to get antibiotics for an infected eyelid that had bloated to the point that I could barely see out of my eye (I had tried the “walk it off” method for weeks, which apparently doesn’t work for optical issues).
Needless to say, I’m expecting something crazy and eclectic in the next week or so. Any bets on what it will be?
I’m going to the beach, so it could be something like a jellyfish sting or a ghost crab attack. I’m also flying, so I could catch a weird airborne disease like the black plague or cooties.
I’m going to place my bets on either lupus or elephantiasis. Those would be consistent with the previous ailments, as they’re not contagious.
What do you think? If you’re right–and if you don’t do anything intentional to cause the disease–I’ll send you candy.
You will choke on french fries from Five Guys and get this huge scratch in your throat. It will get infected and you’ll sue them. Win.
But Harley, what if I choke and no one revives me?!
I think maybe I’ll just avoid Five Guys for the next two weeks to make sure that doesn’t happen.
No, bring a doctor or paramadeic to eat with you. Then you’ll get to sue them. My logic is infallible. Do you think I can lick my elbow?
I wish your commenst section had splle chke. It deosnt.
Well, I can’t argue with infallible logic. I think you have an 80% chance of licking your elbow.
Plane, probably pink eye, or something to do with your head due to all the hacking travelers. Beach, sand mites in the shorts, definitely. I’ll tell you later about a friend’s allergic reaction in regards to your pus pocket post. Gotta love the human body!
Excellent analysis. I could see any of those happening, or maybe a combination of them.
Spontaneous dental hyperplosion. It’s when your teeth turn into liquid and run down the back of your throat. I hear it’s an epidemic.
Yikes. I do NOT want to catch that.
If he does get this, do you think he might be able to claim it on insurance? 😉
I sure hope so!
You should be able to if your boss isn’t Michael Scott 😀
I think that the bits and pieces of undigestible wax from years of flossing have probably made a small candle in your stomach. Mix that with an excess of Spinach and the potential to indulge in too much fresh seafood (something I fell suceptible to in Seattle once), and you are in the highly susceptible to flaming-gastro-crusticea-ach. The only cure is loosing a footrace to a dramatic soccer player, known for faking a strained “je ne sais quoi.” Yeah… yeah…
Or a Sunburn
Diphyllobothriasis is the best I can come up with, apparently South Carolina is not endemic for any of the really juicy (pun intended) infections. Although, because I want candy, I’m putting my money on a severe migraine caused my excessive sun exposure and too many fruity cocktails. Have a nice trip!
Migraine is actually quite possible, unfortunately. I hope that doesn’t happen.
Moon Pie-itis Its a stomach ache due to over consumption of Moon Pies. (Especially if you’ve had every flavor.) It should clear up with some rest or a good roller coaster ride at a theme park. Rest is probably a more favorable option.
I see that as a possibility 🙂
I hope its not elephantiasis because you may never walk right again. Ouch!!