My Greatest Fear #11

It mocks me.

I consider myself fairly athletic. I currently play soccer, football, and kickball, and I’m in the upper tier of the athletes with whom I play. At my age, having fun while pushing myself a little is what’s important to me. So the sport itself doesn’t even matter that much.

However, there is one sport that I am so bad at that it is virtually impossible for me to have fun playing it. That sport? Volleyball.

Yes, volleyball, the bikini-friendly game of the summer Olympics. So carefree and fun are volleyball players–really, anyone can join in and have a great time, right? Wrong. Not for me.

Things I’d Have More Fun Doing Than Playing Volleyball

  1. Making out with Betty White (a victory in itself, but certainly not fun)
  2. Crushing ice with my front teeth
  3. Wearing a banana-hammock to a crowded beach
  4. Arm-wrestling a grizzly bear
  5. Filtering Coca-Cola through my nose

That’s just small sample of the things that I would truly get more joy out of than playing volleyball.

Why? The origins of this fear run deep. They start with the elementary school teacher who taught me how to hold my hands when I hit the volleyball. She taught an entire class of kids how to hit the ball to maximize pain to the forearms, and I’ve found it very difficult to train myself out of that position.

This was followed by a short intermural stint in college when I thought I’d have fun playing indoor volleyball with my freshman floor. Balls have never been more errant than they were that evening, and I walked home alone, having sworn off volleyball for good.

Do you have a sport like this? One that even when you try to just have fun playing it, it ruins your day?

13 thoughts on “My Greatest Fear #11”

  1. Volleyball, too. Maybe it’s because we can’t use our speed very well in the sport. Because I’m pretty terrible at it and don’t like it at all, same as you.

  2. Pooh sticks. I really don’t like leaving anything up to chance, and I prefer sports in which superior physical talent usually equates to winning. However, I’ve been competing in Pooh sticks for the past 13 years, and I’ve yet to come out on top. While I celebrate A.A. Milne’s entire collection of tales and will certainly travel to Dorchester to compete in the World Pooh Sticks Championship again this year, I continue to be frustrated when my stick does not emerge first from under the bridge. Does anyone have any advice for a frustrated Pooh Sticker?

    • ok. i too, am a pooh stick aficionado (i feel like, “pooh sticker” gives the wrong impression). I consider myself a well rounded player- exquisite reaction times, perfect dropping technique, and above average stick selecting skillz. BUT, every gosh darn year at worlds I come up short behind that Christopher Robin.
      He seems like a nice enough guy, though i must say, a little narcissistic (i mean come on, he was in like two children’s books) but there is definitely something fishy going on with that odd, little fellow. Last year, before the big drop, i saw him pop some pills (i kid you not). I found out later (via some sketchy sleuthing) they were ANABOLIC STEROIDS.
      So T-mac, I told you all of this with the confidence that you will finally settle this once and for all. And our beloved sport will drop back into the stream of normalcy and continue under the bridge of fairness towards the finish line of excellence.

  3. I feel the same way about golf. I’m really intimidated by the chichi and the fancy and the moolah that go into that sport.

  4. Football is my “scary” sport. I like watching it and really get into it when others are playing it, but I am scared to death of actually being in the action. I think my fear is from my high school days of playing PowderPuff football and ending up with bruises, knocked out teeth, torn kneecaps and sprained ankles. I’ll do anything to get out of playing football.

    • Your school’s version of Powder Puff sounds much more hard core than mine–people really had their teeth knocked out?

      • Yeah we did have some girls with knocked out teeth, mine got replaced though. Our girls’ football team was just as hard as the boys’ team. Sometimes we even practiced with them. Very scary sport to play.

        • Wow. That is hard core. Where I went to high school, the powderpuff game was a one-time-a-year event, and it was moreso sexy and cute, not masculine and painful.

  5. Yeah that would have been nice, we still dressed sexy and cute, but we had games against other high schools and stuff. Wanna come over and check out my scars? lol.


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