Pet Peeve #11: The Delusion of Bread and Butter Pickles

Think about the first time you went to the store as an adult to buy pickles.

No, I take that back–think about the first time that I went to the store as an adult to buy pickles.

You approach the pickle aisle thinking that this will be easy. You’ll just get the kind of pickles you’ve enjoyed your whole life. The good kind. You don’t know their name, because really, how many pickle varieties could there be?

Then you get to the aisle and find tons of pickles. Way more than you had foreseen.

You scan the varieties of pickles, trying to figure out which one is the kind that you’ve eaten in small doses your entire life. Remember, this is your first pickle purchase as an adult. This means that if you want to, you can go home and eat the entire jar of pickles. Mom isn’t going to tell you to put those pickles down.

Finally your eyes settle on a promising canister. “Bread and Butter Pickles,” it reads. I love bread, you think. And I love butter. Bread and butter pickles must be amazing!

So you buy the biggest jar they’ve got. You rush home, pull out a pickle, and take a huge bite out of it.

What the hell? you think. This pickle sucks!

It’s true. Bread and butter pickles are pretty disgusting. The pickle you were searching for is a dill pickle. “Dill” simply isn’t as enticing as “bread and butter.” It’s like when the Vikings named the tiny wonderful island “Iceland” and the big terrible island “Greenland” to get people to go to the bad one so they could have the good one to themselves. Same theory here.

There’s gotta be a better name than “dill” to steer first-time pickle buyers to the right variety. What’s better than bread and butter? Not much. Any suggestions?

Daily Quickie: If you haven’t taken the full survey from yesterday, please take 3 minutes of your time. I guarantee that you’ve never been asked at least half these questions.