The Milk Seduction

A few weeks ago, I had a brilliant/ridiculous idea for getting the attention of women.

In the movies (and presumably in real life), guys send drinks over to women at restaurants and bars. The waiter shows up at the ladies’ table, puts down the drinks, and points across the room at the guys. If the ladies are interested, they let the guys know it’s okay to come over to talk to them.

I think this happens in real life. I’ve never done it or seen it, but surely it’s not a movies-only thing.

So here’s my idea. Instead of sending over the standard social currency of an alcoholic beverage, send over something completely unexpected. Something like:

  • A glass of milk.
  • A Shirley Temple.
  • A glass of water with lime.

The idea would be that the girls would get a laugh out of the preposterous idea that some guy just sent them a glass of milk. I mean, who does that?

I figure, worse-case scenario, the women are insulted because they think that I think they’re underage. They refuse the drinks and I feel like a scoundrel.

Best case scenario, the women laugh–showing that they have a good sense of humor–wave me over to their table, and we hit it off.

I’m more interested in trying this simply to see what happens than to pick up women. I’m too old for that sort of tomfoolery. What do you think? Could it work? How would you respond?

29 Responses to “The Milk Seduction”

  1. If I were still single, I’d think it was hilarious. If the guy didn’t look too predatory, I’d likely talk to him. A sense of humor is probably the most important initial sign of compatibility for me, in any kind of relationship or encounter: romantic, friendly, business, or otherwise. I hope you’ll try it and post again to let us know what happens.

  2. T-Mac says:

    I’m very, very interested to see how this works out! I’m guessing you get some sort of conversation going with about 25% of women you try this on. Realistically, that might be the same amount you’d hit it off with by sending an alcoholic drink. If a woman doesn’t approach you/wave you over, will you follow up and ask her if it’s because she didn’t like the gesture, is married, is a lesbian, etc?

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      25%, eh? So I need a sample size of at least four tables of women. I think I could follow up with them to see why they didn’t respond, sure.

  3. Bob says:

    I never do stuff like this, but I think I’m in on this one for the sheer ridiculousness of it. The challenge would be to find a place that serves both milk and alcohol where there’s a decent “singles crowd.” (i.e. I think this would have to happen at a restaurant, unless most bars secretly serve milk.)

    If I am ever with you and spot a woman whom I deem “milk worthy,” remind me to send her a tall glass. Plus, of all the cheesey “Milk does a body good, and…” lines you could open conversation with.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Let’s do it, Bob. I know a few places where it could work.

      “Milk worthy”…awesome :).

      Tons of women suffer from osteoporosis, which milk can help prevent.

    • I used to work in a bar as a DJ, and they always had milk on hand. Some alcoholic drinks do call for it: such as kahlua and milk or a Brandy Alexander. That was a restaurant bar, but I think most bars serve coffee, so they probably also have milk.

      I know someone had to say the “Milk does a body good” line. Hahaha. But, in a real situation, while I might talk to a guy who bought me a glass of milk, if he then said “Milk does a body good,” I’d probably feel creeped out and regret my decision.

  4. Colleen says:

    This is cracking me up. I’ll be curious to see if you try the milk seduction! πŸ™‚ Keep us posted!

  5. Erik says:

    Make sure you follow that White Russian cocktail up with some gourmet dark chocolate cookies later… you know, to balance things out.

  6. Gabby says:

    You could always use the Napoleon Dynamite tactic of sending them whole milk and telling them that you didn’t sent skim milk because they aren’t fat.

  7. Joe S says:

    Count me in.

    Now, would girls get offended if we sent Skim Milk? Possibly… we need to find places that serve Whole Milk.

  8. @JMJKDulce says:

    If you are worried about women and osteoporosis, sunflower seeds give almost 5 times the calcium than milk. You could send over a little dish with a note in it that says, to keep your bones looking good, or something… Hilarious comment flow.

    Personally, I would love this. A glass of water with lime is genius. I don’t care what the guy looks like, I would call him over wiping tears from my eyes and just see how far his sense of humor goes.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      For some reason I didn’t see this comment a long time ago, but thanks for the idea. You like the water more than the milk?

  9. BerryKix says:

    oh my gosh pleeeeease tell me you’ve actually done this milk thing by now

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Ha ha…I’m sorry but I haven’t! Yet. I need to get my act together and send some women some milk. I have the perfect location picked out.

  10. ivetastic says:

    if i was single id love that!!! i actually love milk and well i would totally drink it with some baileys,just make sure its on the rocks with an umbrella lol…(and yeah i am serious)

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Ah, very clever. That would be a good twist on the idea, adding Baileys. I must admit that I still haven’t tried the Milk Seduction…

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