My Greatest Fear #16

Fall is a time for face paint.

Every week, thousands of college football fans paint their faces with their teams’ colors. NFL fans do the same. And in a few days, men and women around the country will smear on face and body paint. They’ll walk around looking creepy when they smile from the contrast with that sticky, slimy substance lacquered on their faces.

Fall is a time for face paint–just not on my face.

I’ve always been finicky about any foreign substance on my skin. I was not one of those kids who wrote reminders in pen on their arms. I will never get a tattoo. I don’t like the idea of makeup and equally dislike when women wear makeup (because it might get on me).

And face paint…face paint is the worst. Not only is it a foreign substance, but it’s so synthetic. I don’t want that type of a substance seeping into my skin.

I know it’s weird, but even just looking at someone wearing face paint gives me the heebie-jeebies. I can’t ever look at the band K.I.S.S. because of that. A paranoid part of me thinks that the face paint is going to jump over to my face. Even when I watch Braveheart, I think, “This movie is awesome–but couldn’t they have left out the face paint?”

I’m pretty sure this is a fear that no one else shares–am I right?

Daily Quickie: While I was urinating in my bathroom today, I filled a glass of water with my free hand and drank it while I peed. There was something oddly gratifying about drinking the water and immediately seeing it come out the other end.