Festivus: Your Last Chance to Grieve

Okay, I know you must have at least one grievance. One everyday pet peeve. One event in 2010 that irked you. One person in your office who makes this really annoying snorting sound instead of just blowing his damn nose like every other decent human being.

Today’s your last chance to have your grievance considered for Festivus 2010. It’ll be viewed by at least one human and one cat at my Festivus party (and many more if all goes well) and then possibly selected for the honor of being among the top 10 grievances of 2010. That’s pretty much the same as achieving immortality.

Post your grievance(s) below. Do it.

19 thoughts on “Festivus: Your Last Chance to Grieve”

  1. 1. No matter how long and hard you exercise,you can’t seem to shrink the particular area that you wish would get smaller. Everything around it shrinks so you look all deformed, but oh no, the area that you really want to go away just stays there to spite you.

    2. Being too good at your job. You’re so awesome that people at your job want you to do your duties as well as other things you have no clue how to do but must magically complete. This should be a blog under your Management Tactics. Management Tactic #whatever:Don’t be too good at your job.

    3. How female clothing is not made for the female body. Sure, the waist and hips fit the size, but you seriously expect my chest to fit in that same shirt? Give me about 2 extra inches and then maybe. Large needs to be large in the chest too, not just the waist and hips, geniuses.

    4. People asking for advice/opinions and then doing exactly the opposite. Don’t ask me for it unless you’re going to consider it.

    5. Having a cell phone that you’re in love with, but it’s so old and beat up that the battery only lasts for 1-2 hours before it dies.

      • One more to add. When people give themselves unofficial nicknames(usually based on celebrities or fictional people) on social networking sites and stick it in as a middle name or a really long first name. Examples are SusannahBella Jones, JohnBieber Langston, or Nick “TheBatman” Reiner.
        You’re not Bella, you’re not a 15 year old female pretending to be a male, and you’re certainly not as fantastic as Batman.
        Not only does it look stupid on your page, it makes me look stupid for being your friend/acquaintance/co-worker.

  2. 1) When someone with whom I’m actively doing business doesn’t return voice messages or emails for days or weeks, even when the messages contain important questions, and even though I keep them brief.

    2) Republicans and democrats turning political disagreement into ranting and paranoia. Both seem to agree that a rising tide lifts all boats: Republicans tend to believe if we pour the water in from the top it will flow down, and Democrats tend to believe if we pump the water in at the bottom it will rise up. Nothing stupid about either of those viewpoints, just different factoring of the pros and cons of the means and ends. Can’t we intelligently debate these things without screaming, name-calling, and fear-mongering? Think John Adams & Thomas Jefferson. OK, so they didn’t speak for years, but they respected each other.

    3)Increasingly expensive and complicated information technology & tools that become a necessity even though my income & time remain static: laptop computers that edit videos, cell phones that act like computers, presentations that require digital effects, conference calls on my home phone, websites that need webmasters, blogs that require interface with Twitter and Facebook, and everything becoming outdated the moment you sign up or buy it. It’s all great fun, I love the options, and I’ve connected with more like-minded people than ever before, but sometimes it gives me the same feeling I have when I’m carrying three bags of groceries, the phone is ringing, and I can’t find my keys – all day long.

    • (1) Is no laughing matter. That’s super annoying.

      (2) A great, topical point. I feel like both parties are just getting worse and worse at this.

      (3) Ha ha…I love all the technologies and big ideas, but what I love even more are things that take all those new ideas and put them in one place to make my life easier instead of busier and more complicated. Like Google Reader.

  3. I’ll save most of mine, but here’s one.

    Jersey Shore. I didn’t think it was possible to stoop any lower than “The Hills,” but congratulations, Jersey Shore, you’ve done it!

  4. People who think that their airplane seat comes with an overhead compartment above their head for their bag only, and are enraged when someone else took it already. 😀

  5. That No Shave November is over… not as many men running around with sexy beards anymore.

    When you run into people you know at awkward locations, like when I ran into an old high school teacher at the gynecologist.

    That damn vuvuzela horn people used at the World Cup. It made the games almost unbearable to watch on T.V. Is that a swarm of bees? No, It’s just the most annoying instrument known to mankind.

    and my last one…

    When people ask me what grade I’m in 🙁

    • Hey now…some of use “men” can’t grow “sexy” beards. That’s my grievance!

      The gynecologist one is awesome. And the vuvuzela one is even more awesome. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.

    • A few years ago I was asked for an ID to purchase an R-rated DVD. At first it didn’t hit me that they wanted to make sure I was 17. It was very disheartening when I realized their intent.

      • I used to think this kind of thing was annoying until some little grocery store bagger called me ma’am one day. I know he was being polite, but when did I become a ma’am? Makes me wish for the days when I got carded going into the movie theater!

  6. I’m sure I’ll more, but this is a start.

    1. When I’m in the shower and someone turns on the sink faucet or flushes the toilet, and I have to leap out of the water stream to avoid being frozen or scalded by the sudden temperature change. (Yes, I think there are some new mechanisms you can buy to prevent this, but they’re kind of expensive and not that easy to install!)

    2. Youtube “celebrities”. I appreciated you for the 3 minutes it took to watch your video. Just be thankful you got that much time and attention from me and don’t try to drag it out any longer.

    3. Text message abbreviations, even in text messages. No, I don’t know what you’re saying when I get something like this, “10Q 4 d hlp 2day!” Am I not special enough for you to actually take the time to spell out the words?

    4. Automatic toilets that flush before I’m finished. It’s gross, and then I just have to flush it again once I’m really done. Not very green now, is it?

    • (1) does suck. Fortunately that doesn’t happen in my building.

      Totally agree with 2-4. I feel like there are an abundance of toilets with minds of their own at airports.

  7. This time of year reminds me how much I HATE shaving my legs. A curse we women have. My grievance this and every year – That men only have to shave from the neck UP while we women get stuck shaving everything from the neck DOWN.

    You men have no idea what we do for you!!! 🙂


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