Pizza Hut Launches New “Krusts 4 Kids” Program

DALLAS, Texas (AP) – In a much-anticipated announcement on Thursday, Pizza Hut announced that it would launch a new initiative geared towards infants just in time for the holidays.

“Krusts 4 Kids,” as the program is dubbed, is a recycling program for uneaten pizza crusts. Instead of throwing away discarded crusts, Pizza Hut will repackage them for teething infants.

Up until this point, Pizza Hut had tried a variety of measures to get people to eat their pizza crusts. “Nothing worked,” said Sam Dviglia, Director of Edibility. “We’ve tried crusts stuffed with cheese, sprinkled with seasonings, crusts that break away from the rest of the pizza, even crusts that unravel into new pizzas. But even those new pizzas have crusts, and no one wants to eat them.”

The company was quick to note that the crusts will not be dug out of the trash and then given to infants. Rather, a customer can donate unused crusts to a special receptacle at any Pizza Hut location and gain Krust Points for the donation.

“This not only reduces wasted food, but it makes throwing away food fun again,” said Nancy Stinson, Director of Social Marketing. “Teens can exchange points with one another on Facebook and Foursquare. Get enough points, and you can trade them in for virtual pizzas!”

Pizza Hut shooed away criticism regarding health concerns associated with infants gnawing on old crusts.

“Sure, there might be some fairly malicious germs in some of the crusts,” said Dviglia. “But it’s good for infants to build up immunities from a young age. Hell, my kid sleeps in the trash can. By the time he’s 17, he’ll be the healthiest kid in town.”

“Krusts 4 Kids” will replace Pizza Hut’s decade-old “Book-It” program.

Copyright 2010 The Ass Press.

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