The Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 1-10

I just realized that I haven’t been giving all of the judges credit for all the hard work, the hours of research, the sweat and blood they lost while ranking the top 40 Festivus grievances of 2010. Leo took care of 31-40. Josh then handled 21-30. Gabby stepped in and did a great job with 11-20. Then Bryce brought them all home with the top 10, which you can find below. Congrats to whoever wrote #1! Feel free to step forward and take forward for your simple yet poignant insight into All Soul’s Day.

Come on, Huggy Bear. Show some leg.

10. That it has suddenly become socially acceptable to say “awkward!” in a high-pitched voice in response to something someone says or does. That’s awkward.

9. When you run into people you know at awkward locations, like when I encountered an old high school teacher at the gynecologist.

8. Dental dams. Wow, these things are flying off the shelves.

7. Thanks a lot, BP, for increasing the cost of my tuna roll by $0.50.

6. Girlfriends who can’t handle broken alliances in RISK.

5. When you vacuum the entire house before realizing that you had the vacuum on the “hose” setting the whole time.

4. Not enough bacon…for everything.

3. Chilean miners—You survive for 68 days deep underground and then run the NY marathon? Now you’re just making the rest of us look bad.

2. Automatic toilets that flush before I’m finished. It’s gross, and then I just have to flush it again when I’m really done. Not very green, is it?

1. Non-slutty Halloween costumes.

Thank you, blog readers and party attendees, for all of these brilliant grievances! Through your grief we’re able to realize how amazing of a year 2010 was.

Next week: Back to normal blog posts, including one in which I get paid to smell cat pee (really!) Also, more lists for top movies, songs, and books of 2010.


7 Responses to “The Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 1-10”

  1. T-Mac says:

    Not that I disagree with #6, in fact, I hear those Catholic marriage retreats are starting to add a game of Risk right after the discussion on natural family planning, but I do contend that #6 might not have made the top 40, much less the top 10, without a homogenous (perhaps strategically chosen…yes, that’s a Risk refernce) set of Risk-playing judges.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      A fair point. Although Gabby pushed it into the top 10, and I have a feeling that the women Gabby dates are fine with broken alliances in RISK. Gabby probably breaks those alliances in the first round.

  2. Jamey Stegmaier says:

    A recently sick friend just sent me this belated grievance that deserves mention here:

    Flu shots: Your sole job is to protect me from the flu. Way to drop the ball this year!

  3. David Holloway says:

    i must say, jamey, that for as much as you discuss your habbit of gawking at women, i’m not at all surprised that the number one grievance on your list has to do with gawking at women!

    (that is talking about non-slutty *women’s* costumes, right?)

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Actually, that wasn’t my grievance. But I agree!

      I think the non-slutty costume grievance could apply to anyone, depending on the perspective of the viewer!

  4. Ariel says:

    I am a trifle disappointed. #1 and #6 were actually my two least favorite. Although, I’m glad #2 made it to the final 10 – I think I ‘liked’ that one at the party.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Really? You don’t like #6? Have you ever dated someone, played a game with them, broken an alliance with them (two people can’t win), and then had them take it personally? It sucks! 🙂

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