Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 21-30

30. People who live on the third floor and take the elevator…seriously?

29. People who pay for diet pills with cash and bacon and butter with food stamps.

28. Being so positive that I can’t think of any damn grievances.

27. People who discuss their children’s intimate secrets health details on Facebook. I don’t need to know that your son strains when he pees!

This guy's special ability is that he thinks about things? I call foul.

26. Nougat! So much fluff, so little flavor.

25. Memo to the dude who names volcanoes in Iceland: If you use every letter in the alphabet, you’re doing it wrong.

24. That “corps” isn’t pronounced “corpse.”

23. Pimentos—The universal mystery. What are these things and where do they come from?

22. Jersey Shore. I didn’t think it was possible to stoop lower than “The Hills,” but congratulations, Jersey Shore, you’ve done it!

21. The Mentalist—I’ve never seen your show, but I don’t like you. On a personal level.

Back tomorrow for 11-20!

9 thoughts on “Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 21-30”

  1. Dear Author of #26,

    The Three Musketeers have been dispatched to defend their honor and smack some sense into you. “All for one, and one for nougat!”

    • I have a bone to pick with the muskateers as well. Why were they called musketeers when they used swords instead of muskets? Perhaps “the three foilers” would have been more appropriate…or “the three frill-wearing, pencil-thin handlebar mustache having, nougat supporters”.

      • Au contraire, mon frere. From various regions of the interwebs:

        “They would have used muskets if they had been part of a large army and were fighting a battle. They would have been part of a large block of musketeers standing shoulder-to-shoulder, several ranks deep, and firing in unison, protected by pikes or bayonets while reloading (which could take up to one minute). But Dumas’ Musketeers were performing a different role, that of personal bodyguards. As such they needed to use hand-to-hand weapons, i.e. swords. A 17th century musket would have been of little use as a personal defense.”

        “Les Mousquetaires du Roi were formed in 1622 under Louis XIII…They were at first armed with that new invention, the flintlock musket. However, these early muskets were up to 8 feet long and weighed about 20 pounds. This was useless to cavalry, and not much use for an elite corps of infantry expected to charge at the run – especially as they would also have to carry a forked stick on which to rest the thing while firing. The muskets, therefore, did not last long; but the name remained….and they ate lots of candy bars.”

  2. #23 Pimentos – small, very small red peppers. I grew them this year but found that seeding them not worth the effort. Thankfully there is a company that either has a machine to do this or people with very small hands to do this for yummy Pimentos Cheese – a true southern delight.


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