Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 31-40

Due to the abundance of quality grievances this year, I picked 50 out of the 135 or so written down at my Festivus party (some of which were originally posted by readers on this blog) and sent them to my friend Leo (none of the judges were at the party). Leo narrowed the list to 40 grievances, chose his favorite 30, and then ranked 31-40 from those that remained. I then sent the top 30 to another person, and then the top 20, and so  on. Thus the Top 10 will be posted on Thursday evening for your viewing pleasure. Check below to see if you made the prestigious Top 40 list!

40. Shots in the butt–I never realized how much I use my right butt cheek until my dignity was punctured.

39. Chik-fil-a—Jesus would have wanted your delicious food on Sundays too.

38. The end of Inception. Come on, Christopher Nolan. You’ve proved that you’re very clever. Now just tell us if the top stops spinning.

37. Asian drivers! (submitted by an Asian)

Attaboy.

36. Ataturk—For making me think “attaboy” every time I see your name.

35. That the all-edge brownie pan is only available through Skymall.

34. Animals watching me pee.

33. Glenn Beck: For the greatest misuse of a chalkboard, ever.

32. I tell you to write the account numbers on the form and you write the words “account numbers.”

31. Text message abbreviations, even in text messages. No, I don’t know what “10Q 4 d hlp 2day!” means. Can’t you just spell out the words?

Check back tomorrow for 21-30!


9 Responses to “Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 31-40”

  1. Josh says:

    #39 belongs in the top 10. Way to drop the ball, Leo! Check back tomorrow to see how a real man ranks grievances!

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      “Animals watching me pee” also seemed to be a favorite among the people who ranked 1-30 (and people at the party–apparently Biddy was watching a lot of people pee). But this is Leo’s first year helping with the ranking, so we can cut him some slack.

  2. Katie says:

    I know it’s too late for the list or the party, but I have a few more:

    1. Tom Brady’s Bieber-esque haircut. No self-respecting man should ever look like that.

    2. That awful “We are the World” remake. I’m sure the Haitians would give back the $15 that song made so that no one would ever have to listen to it again.

    3. Autotune. Enough said.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Good call on the Brady Hair. The only possible reason I can think that he’s doing it is that Gisele told him to.

      I think you win separate awards for funniest and least accurate grievance on #2 (about the Haitians giving back the money, not the poor quality of the song, which is completely true).

  3. Katie says:

    I’d also like to make a correction to #35. I’m pretty sure you can buy it on Amazon or their website, Baker’s Edge. I bought one last year and it makes fantastic brownies. It’s actually a really well-made, heavy pan!

    • margot says:

      I wonder how those pans are to clean. Cleaning the Baker’s Edge Brownie Pan could be a nightmare– a pet peeve. PS. I think I have seen those pans at Bed Bath and Beyond..

      • Jamey Stegmaier says:

        Wow, so that one goes down as the least accurate grievance ever. Whose was it?

        • T-Mac says:

          I don’t know whose it was, but I vote that it immediately gets replaced by one of the top 50 that didn’t make the top 40. Jaam, if you had to choose one of the top 50 that didn’t make Leo’s cut, which would you reinsert?

          • Jamey Stegmaier says:

            I was a fan of my Justin Bieber one:

            “The whole Justin Bieber phenomenon. He’s gotta be the first popular high schooler with a toupee, ever.”

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