Following the post last week, I asked Maria to write about the experience of being publicly dissected for today’s blog. She agreed and wrote the following post. If any readers have questions for me, please put them in the comments section and I’ll be happy to answer.
It all began a week ago when I decided to log on to match.com. I have been there before so I didn’t have to spend a long time completing my profile. I want you all to know that I don’t have problems finding a guy to date or to hang out with. I just have a problem with finding the right guy to date. The first thing I saw when I logged on was Jamey’s amazing smile. It immediately drew me in. I then went on to read Jamey’s profile and was extremely attracted to his intelligence. There was something about him that left me wanting to know more; I then Googled him to find his blog. After reading about half his blog and learning about him I knew that I wanted to meet him. It’s hard to explain but there was something about him that I couldn’t get out of my mind. It seemed that Jamey had this aura about him that instantly made you like him and instantly put a smile on my face. At that point I knew he was special. At the risk of looking like a crazy person I emailed him.
To my surprise he responded; however his answer was no. I was a little disappointed so I pressed the issue because I wanted to meet him. Jamey seemed to be a guy that was more about the personality, conversation, and overall person instead of dwelling on physical appearance. I was shocked when he said he wasn’t physically attracted to me. We continued to talk over email and I was persistent about him giving me a chance. Now, some of the readers said that maybe I was a little naive to think that I could get him to change his mind, and perhaps they were right. I believe in fate. I believe that Jamey’s profile was the first profile I saw for a reason and that we were destined to meet. I honestly thought that once he met me and got to know me in person that there could be a possibility of us dating. I don’t have much dating experience and haven’t been in a lot of relationship because I was married for almost ten years (yes, I got married at 19). I never really dated before, I never had any other real relationships before, and so in a way I guess it’s true that I am a little naïve. Then I suggested to Jamey that he should let the readers decide our fate.
In Jamey’s defense, I knew that he didn’t like certain things about me; however I had no idea exactly what he was going to put in the post. As far as spelling and grammar goes, I’ve never been good at those subjects. I know that is a weakness of huge mine. But the way he called it out was a huge shock to me. I actually think my chin hit the floor. I don’t believe that grammar and spelling measure someone’s intelligence. While some people are good at grammar and spelling others are good at math and science. When people can’t add without a calculator you don’t call them out on it because it’s actually the norm to use a calculator these days. With writing and spelling it’s different. We use it every day and it’s very noticeable when something isn’t correct. It’s even noticeable to me. When I’m writing a business letter or something important I always have someone proof read it because I know I’m not good at it (Jamey has offered to proof read this post as well, thanks Jamey). I never thought in a million years I would be judged in a personal email about grammar or spelling. This is a lesson learned and I will always try to make sure that I have the correct usage of your, you’re, its, it’s, and to, too.
Jamey’s comments about me being drama actually made me laugh. I hate drama. What I thought were healthy discussion and playfulness he took as drama. It’s all about how you write a statement, the words you use, the way a person reads it, and a smiley face. I hope that Jamey would agree that once we were past the dating issue and the blog was up that we got along fine with everyday conversation and that there was no drama.
While the post was up and the comments were coming in Jamey and I continued to email and we got to know each other a little better. I think Jamey is a great guy with some very tight and protected boundaries. I feel that Jamey has this image of the perfect woman for him and if something doesn’t match up it’s an automatic no. While Jamey says he is open to possibilities I often wonder if he truly is. I believe that Jamey isn’t open to someone that is different than him. What I mean by that is, someone that can open him up and help him blossom, someone that flies by the seat of their pants and is very spontaneous and doesn’t have their whole life planned out. I’m not saying Jamey’s lifestyle is wrong or that mine is right. I just think that the unknown to Jamey scares him. I think that Jamey isn’t rejecting the women in his life but the possibility or the idea of a certain type of woman in his life. I think that Jamey rejects the unfamiliar because he isn’t used to it. I think Jamey is sure of himself and what he wants out of life; however I think he is very confused on what he wants in a partner. He isn’t open to dismissing some of the petty things that bother him to see the bigger picture. No one is perfect, we all have flaws; it’s how we deal with them that make or break the relationship.
After a few days of the blog and reading all the comments, the poll indicated that you all wanted Jamey and I to meet up, so we did. I was excited but nervous about all the pressure of the date. I thought that we gotten along great and I had a good time. I didn’t feel that the conversation lagged at all. And I’m sure you all could guess that I liked Jamey. I enjoyed the company, the conversation, and just being there overall. I think that Jamey is special and has a lot to offer someone, however I believe he needs to open up to all possibilities good or bad, perhaps find someone that can bring out that wild side in him, and take him outside his comfort zone.
When I showed up to meet Jamey I had a gift for him. I brought him cookies, because of the comments on the blog. I told him at the end of the night he could choose which he would prefer, cookies or me. Let’s just say that I’m sure Jamey enjoyed those cookies very much. J I’m not upset about Jamey not wanting to date me, I’m disappointed in the fact that I don’t feel like I had a fighting chance. I think that after the first date we should have went on the second one without all the pressure of the post or the hype of the date. I have no hard feelings towards Jamey at all. I admire the fact that he could be honest with me upfront. I only asked for honesty and he did nothing but give that to me, brutally. I hope that Jamey and I can have a great friendship. I want nothing more than for him to be happy and to find what he is looking for. The girl than can “pin” Jamey will be very lucky to have him.
This experience has been a fun, interesting, and a great learning experience about me and how people perceive me. I don’t regret emailing Jamey because if anything I have a new friend. I will think twice about the blog idea if it ever comes up again. I appreciate everyone that responded and voted. This experience has not made me be less open to possibilities; if anything it has made me more open to them. I know the person for me is out there I just have to keep looking. I believe if you don’t try then you will never know what could have been. I also believe that some of the best things in life are worth fighting for.