Pet Please #45: The Perfect Ply

Do you remember your first time? I sure do.

It happened a few days after I moved into my first apartment. The mood was right, and I knew it was time.

Mind you, I had experimented before. I mean, didn’t we all dabble a bit in college? And even moreso after I had a little money in my pocket.

But the first time was truly magical. For the first time ever, when I tore off a few sheets of Schnucks’-brand True Soft 2-ply toilet paper, I knew that I had found the toilet paper I had been looking for my whole life.

Growing up, we had 1-ply toilet paper in the Stegmaier household. The kind that you have to fold over and over again lest you end up with poop on your hand. In fact, that’s what my mother still stocks the house with, so when I go home for the holidays, I get to walk down that a memory lane made of tissue paper.

Then, after years of exploration, I discovered True Soft. And yes, it’s a store brand. But it’s exactly what I want for my bathroom hygienic needs. 3-ply is too much–I don’t want my toilet paper to have a thread count. Nor do I need those brands with special textures or lotions built in. That’s too fancy. I don’t want a symphony to play when I unfurl my toilet paper (actually, now that I say that, I kind of do. The song would depend on the number of squares I take, indicating the significance of the bowel movement).

Have you found your perfect toilet paper?

4 thoughts on “Pet Please #45: The Perfect Ply”

  1. Hey don’t knock our toilet paper…. it really last so you don’t have to change the roll often ! And with a full house of people and things to do, it can save hundreds of hours in a year.


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