Pet Peeve #4: Plastic Utensils

I’m not hard to please. (Note: Anyone who says that, including me, is actually quite hard to please.) All I ask is for a decent set of metal utensils with every meal. Or porcelain chopsticks.

Am I asking for too much?

I don’t want plastic forks breaking in my mouth. As much as I love the spork concept, it ends up combining the worst elements of forks and spoons and combining them into one completely useless utensil. And plastic knives? Please. Has a plastic knife every cut anything, ever?

I don’t want to be “that guy” who has strange demands at hole-in-the-wall restaurants. All I ask is for a decent set of utensils, a china plate (but not made in China), a sprig of fresh parsley in my water, and a 400-thread-count terrycloth napkin. Oh, and if you don’t mind, could you please change the jukebox from “Shot Through the Heart” to some Bach, preferably Toccata and Fugue in D minor? I’ll settle for C minor if that’s all you have.

That’s all I ask.


8 Responses to “Pet Peeve #4: Plastic Utensils”

  1. Ariel says:

    I am appalled that plastic utensils beat out shared profile pictures (#5) much less text conversations (#16) and songs with traffic noises (#9). The first two are infinitely more annoying and the latter is actually dangerous. Further, while I concede that plastic utensils are not environmentally friendly, the new biodegradable ones overcome this shortfalling and have a very enjoyable texture combined with sturdy structure for denser foods. Finally, as a diagnosed silverware kleptomaniac, I can tell you that it just isn’t profitable for restaurants to stock silver silverware. It gets taken. Nobody is going to worry about a stolen plastic spork – but my AA engraved spoon collection is probably the reason airfares are so expensive these days.

  2. Jamey Stegmaier says:

    A fair point. Some things are more annoying than others. I wouldn’t consider the list to be a sequential ranking–it’s just a list.

    Does anyone else steal silverware from airplanes and restaurants? I’ve never done this.

    • Red says:

      From restaurants, yes. I’m particularly drawn to a good steak knife, but recently, my need has been more for soup spoons. If I need one on a regular basis (at work or while camping etc), and I don’t want to take one from my set at home, because it’s service for a specific number.

      Think of it like stealing bar glasses, a pastime out of which, since college, I have thankfully grown.

    • Katie says:

      I once stole some cardboard coasters from a bar in Belgium (they were pretty cool-looking and a fun souvenir). That was 6 years ago and I still carry around the guilt. I think stealing silverware would put me over the edge!

      • Jamey Stegmaier says:

        Yeah, I would never consider stealing from a restaurant! I mean, you’re paying for food and service, not utensils, right?

  3. Matt Schafer says:

    I work as a waiter and don’t get people who ask for plastic utensils in a restaurant with fine quality silverware. The only place I want plastic utensils is from a food truck

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