Pet Peeve #4: Plastic Utensils

I’m not hard to please. (Note: Anyone who says that, including me, is actually quite hard to please.) All I ask is for a decent set of metal utensils with every meal. Or porcelain chopsticks.

Am I asking for too much?

I don’t want plastic forks breaking in my mouth. As much as I love the spork concept, it ends up combining the worst elements of forks and spoons and combining them into one completely useless utensil. And plastic knives? Please. Has a plastic knife every cut anything, ever?

I don’t want to be “that guy” who has strange demands at hole-in-the-wall restaurants. All I ask is for a decent set of utensils, a china plate (but not made in China), a sprig of fresh parsley in my water, and a 400-thread-count terrycloth napkin. Oh, and if you don’t mind, could you please change the jukebox from “Shot Through the Heart” to some Bach, preferably Toccata and Fugue in D minor? I’ll settle for C minor if that’s all you have.

That’s all I ask.