Archive for March, 2011

Ben Is the Cutest Creature Alive! (Out of 27 Contestants)

Ben Is the Cutest Creature Alive! (Out of 27 Contestants)

We have a winner. Dominating the finale with 104 votes to Llewelyn’s 69, Ben has won the first-ever Tournament of Cuteness. Congratulations to Ben! So in the end, a baby beats all the cute cats and dogs. I’m not sure if there’s a lesson in that. If Llewelyn would have dressed up in a rumpled […]


Pet Please #48: Eyelashes

Pet Please #48: Eyelashes

This pet please is in the same vein as #13: Finding Your Chapstick, in that it’s a bad situation that turns out fine. I don’t know if this happens to other people, but my eyelashes fall into my eyes all the time. I don’t wear contacts, so the eyelashes land directly on my eye. I […]


Tournament of Cuteness Final

Tournament of Cuteness Final

It comes down to man vs. dog. Just as nature intended it. In one corner we have Ben, who, with a whopping 152 votes, eclipsed the juggernaut that was Tessi. Ben is adorable, overworked, and delightfully frumpy. In the other corner we have Llewelyn, whose name I can’t seem to ever get right, and it […]


I Lived Through Four Days Without Hot Water: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through Four Days Without Hot Water: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

Day 1 It begins. It is Saturday, March 19, 2011. I wake up. I eat oatmeal. I answer e-mail. It is then that I receive the text from my neighbor: “Do you have hot water? I’m wonder if it’s just me!” I check the water. It is cold, cold as the killing fields. Cold as […]


Mom Stories: Part 3

Mom Stories: Part 3

If you haven’t read parts 1 and 2 of the Mom Story trilogy, please do so before reading this (although this stands on its own if you’re lazy or impatient). My favorite overprotective mom story may be the time that I went to visit my best friend Trevor in Sydney, Australia. Mom had read that […]


“Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” Archrival Expresses Regret, Disappointment

"Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty" Archrival Expresses Regret, Disappointment

PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) – At his 100th birthday party, Jim Faust, the man who coined the term “Lefty Inflexy, Righty Wobbly” expressed his disappointment that things didn’t turn out differently. “Hudson has something I didn’t,” said Faust, referring to archrival inventor Hudson Sear. “That beautiful face. That damn beautiful face.” Faust and Sear were fierce […]


Dog vs. Dog

Dog vs. Dog

Llewyln: When Llewelyn was just five months old, he found a little space in the fence big enough to crawl through and got out of the backyard. Unfortunately, he was hit by a car when he was running across the street. After a few surgeries and a lot of rehab, he is now 3-1/2 years old […]


Tournament of Cuteness Final Four

Tournament of Cuteness Final Four

As we enter the final two weeks of this tournament, the contestants have been pared down to four: Tessi, Ben, Llewellyn, and surprise winner Mario. The rules are the same as always: Vote once for the cutest animal/human by Sunday at noon. For the final matchups, I asked the contestants’ owners/parents to write about something really […]


Mom Stories: Part 2

Mom Stories: Part 2

As I wrote about last week in Part 1, one of the most endearing, loving, and amusing things my mother does is overprepare me for travel abroad. After my year after Japan, my family went to France over winter break (my sister was studying abroad in the lovely city of Montpellier). It was in France […]


Pet Peeve #20: Food Explosions in the Microwave

Pet Peeve #20: Food Explosions in the Microwave

You’ve had this happen. You put a piece of chicken in the microwave for a perfectly reasonable 39 seconds (why 39? Because 40 seems like too much). You walk away, pour yourself a glass of orange-mango juice, dilute it with water so it’s not too sweet, maybe turn on the TV. Then you hear the […]


Texts from My Roommate

Texts from My Roommate

I’ve lived with my roommate, Jess, for over two months now. She’s a great roommate, and I’ve discovered that one of her special abilities is that she composes hilarious texts. By that I don’t mean that Jess texts a lot and mixes in some humor. I mean that Jess carefully composes the majority of her […]


Pet Please #47: Finishing a Bottle of Chocolate Syrup

Pet Please #47: Finishing a Bottle of Chocolate Syrup

When I was a kid, chocolate milk was a treat. I’d come home from school, get some pretzels out of the cupboard, and sit down with a glass of cold, delicious chocolate milk. Or Ovaltine. We went through an Ovaltine phase. Now, as a mature, full-size, adult man, I have a big glass of chocolate […]


Round 2 Begins!

Round 2 Begins!

12 contestants. 16 grueling days of cuteness. 1 champion. 1 prize package. Round 2 begins! Preview the bracket below to see the winners and their scores. The winners so far: 2 cats, 4 humans, and 6 dogs. I see a pattern emerging. In fact, cats only won all-cat matchups. Although Biddy got enough votes to […]


Mom Stories: Part 1

Mom Stories: Part 1

One of the most endearing, loving, and amusing things my mother does is overprepare me for travel abroad. It all started back in 2001 when I was headed to Kyoto for the year. Concerned about the quality of the water in Japan (a first-world country where people don’t, contrary to popular belief, drink unfiltered toilet […]


The Last 7 Contestants of Round 1

The Last 7 Contestants of Round 1

So here we are on the final day of Round 1. Except it’s not really the final day, since voting will remain open until Sunday at noon. Here’s how this is going to work: I’ll close the polls on Sunday at noon. I’ll update the bracket, and 12 competitors will remain, 3 in each group. […]


Biddy’s Birthday

Biddy's Birthday

For all you newcomers to the blog, it probably seems like this blog is exclusively about pets. I swear it’s about other things too! But today, March 9, happens to be Biddy’s 4th birthday, so I thought I’d honor him with a list of my top 7 quirks about him. Biddy greets me at the […]


Pet Please #46: Broken Parking Meters

Pet Please #46: Broken Parking Meters

You’re late for happy hour. You know your friends are waiting. You see a parking spot not far from the bar. You parallel park like a pro. You reach for some coins for the parking meter… …and it’s empty. Great, just great. You could be sipping a fuzzy navel right now, but instead, you have […]


The Tournament of Cuteness

The Tournament of Cuteness

Let the games begin! Last week in an entry about how we all think our own pet or baby is the cutest of all pets and babies, I decided to create a Tournament of Cuteness. The blog will continue as usual, but included in each daily entry will be at least one head-to-head matchup for […]


Pet Peeve #2: Coordinated Dances at Weddings

Pet Peeve #2: Coordinated Dances at Weddings

I’m terrible at dancing at clubs without a date, but when I have a date–particularly at weddings–I actually enjoy dancing. I’m not a good dancer, but I like to get out there and have fun. I was at a wedding a few years ago when a song I had never heard before started playing. It […]


Mine Is Cuter Than Yours

Mine Is Cuter Than Yours

Pet owners and parents have one thing in common: We all think that our pet or baby is cuter than yours. Not only that, but this is one area of life where we internally compare babies to pets. A proud owner of a new puppy may see an adorable baby and think, “Wow, that baby […]


Pet Peeve #19: The Pants Pouch

Pet Peeve #19: The Pants Pouch

The men out there are going to be familiar with today’s pet peeve. Women may not have experienced it, but I bet they’ve seen it. First, a visual explanation of the pants pouch. No, this isn’t what you think it is. This is an empty pouch of bunched up pants, a phenomenon that occurs when […]