“Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” Archrival Expresses Regret, Disappointment

PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) – At his 100th birthday party, Jim Faust, the man who coined the term “Lefty Inflexy, Righty Wobbly” expressed his disappointment that things didn’t turn out differently.

“Hudson has something I didn’t,” said Faust, referring to archrival inventor Hudson Sear. “That beautiful face. That damn beautiful face.”

Faust and Sear were fierce rivals in the race to create an alternative to the nail in the 1930s. When both stumbled upon the idea of a screw on almost the exact same day (accounts vary), Sear chose to orient his screw’s grooves such that turning clockwise tightened the screw. Faust, sure that he had a catchier tagline, went the other direction.

“Hudson may have been one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” said Faust, “but he never had a way with words. ‘Lefty loosey, righty tighty?’ Who’s going to remember that?”

Hudson Sear, who passed away in 1986, could not be reached for comment.

“There were times when I thought I’d give it another try. Sure, the world had already universally accepted “righty tighty,” but it only takes one screw to change everything.” Faust went on to note that he refuses to use Sear’s screws, opting instead to handcraft “lefty inflexy” screws in his garage.

“It’s more of a carport, really,” clarified Faust.

Faust’s lesser-known inventions that never caught on were a toilet that flushes the other way and a gas pedal that decelerates instead of accelerates.

Copyright 2011 The Ass Press.