Which Way Does Your Cookie Crumble?

The very last question of my “Perfect Woman” survey (which has now been taken by 347 people) reads as follows:

You’re sitting on the couch watching Arrested Development with your boyfriend. As he watches the show, his hands toy with the edges of your breasts, your neck, and your inner thigh. What do you do?

  1. Tell him to stop. (3% of women chose this one)
  2. Enjoy the touch as you continue watching the show. (22%)
  3. Stop paying attention to the show and start to tease him as well. (60%)
  4. Pause the show and lead him to the bedroom. (15%)

First, that question is way racier than I remember it. Sorry if it makes any of you uncomfortable.

Second, the “correct” answers for me are #2 and #3, but really, the ultimate correct answer for me is a hybrid of the two: “Enjoy the touch as you continue watching the show, and start to tease him as well.”

The point is that anticipation and sexual tension are really important to me. They greatly contribute to chemistry in a relationship. I think they’re all too often overlooked. In fact, I’ve found that while most women (and Cosmo articles) indicate that they like foreplay, I’ve found very few women who can withstand more than a few minutes of gentle teasing. This has nothing to do with me–any man can tease a woman, just as an woman can tease a man.

I think what I’m saying is that I value a little self control during the buildup so that when tongues start to tangle, it’s the best thing ever.

There was a study done a while ago in which kids were put in a room one by one and were given a small cookie. They were told that they could eat the cookie, or they could wait 5 minutes (with the cookie in front of them), and the small cookie would be replaced by a large cookie.

Most kids couldn’t take the pressure. They caved and ate the small cookie–I mean, it was right there for the taking! They didn’t know if the adult was telling the truth about the big cookie.

Some kids, however, did everything in their power to resist the cookie. They hummed songs, looked away, closed their eyes. And they were rewarded with a bigger cookies.

Behavioral psychologists followed that particular group of kids over the next 25 years, and they discovered a remarkable trend: The kids who had resisted the cookie–those who showed self restraint–were way more successful than the kids who acted on their immediate desires and impulses. It turns out that self control is a major determining factor of success.

So the choice is yours: Do you eat the small cookie, or do you hold out for a big one?

(For the record, I would have eaten the small cookie. I mean, it’s right there.)

4 thoughts on “Which Way Does Your Cookie Crumble?”

  1. Jamey,

    I wanted you to know that I thought “Which Way Does Your Cookie Crumble” was amazing. So true to life! You have a way with words. (I guess that’s why you’re a writer)! I would have also chosen a mix between #2 & #3. That seems more logical.

  2. I liked that question on your survey, it made/still makes me smile to hear it.
    I think I have a bunch of self control, but that I hold out too long. I hold out so long that I end up having more failures than successes. I would have been the kid who held out for the big cookie and then held out for longer just because I wanted to make sure there wasn’t an even bigger cookie or a glass of milk to go with it in the end.
    Your post tonight made me think how I hold out for random things in life sometimes such as dating, weight loss, jobs, and even some basic necessities. There’s no promise of a bigger cookie in any of it, but still I hold out and control myself until the timing for success is long gone. Job positions have already been filled, potential dates moved on, I’m left with my big cookie that’s gone stale.

    • AS–That’s a really interesting way to think about it. I guess the lesson is at some point you have to decide that you’re happy with the cookie that you have and make the best of it.


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