My Greatest Fear #23: Losing My Dry Cleaning Ticket

I took some pants to the dry cleaners last Wednesday, and I was given a pink pickup ticket for Friday evening. I’m sure you’ve done this before.

If you’re like me, you guard that ticket with your life.

I’ve played through the scenario in which I show up to pick up my dry cleaning without the ticket, and it looks something like this:

Me: Hi, I’m here to pick up my pants.

Dry Cleaning Lady (looks up from her mass-market copy of Twilight: Adapted from the Motion Picture Twilight): Sure, can I have your ticket?

Me (fidgeting): Um, that’s the thing…I lost the ticket.

DCL: You lost the ticket.

Me: Yes. I’m so sorry. Can I just show you my ID?

DCL (rolls her eyes): Your ID is useless here. The only way we can know that they’re your pants is if you have your ticket.

Me: Do you have other “Stegmaiers” in your database?

DCL: I can’t tell you that without your ticket.

Me (starting to sweat profusely): What if I describe the pants to you in perfect detail before you show them to me? That way you’d know that they’re mine.

DCL: How do I know this isn’t a setup? You could have the real Stegmaier bound and gagged in your car.

Me: What if I try them on? You’ll know they’re mine if they fit me. Like Cinderella.

DCL: You could have had plastic surgery to match the real Stegmaier’s waistline and leg length.

Me (starting to doubt if I’m the real Jamey Stegmaier): I will pay you a thousand dollars for my pants.

DCL: No.

Me: I will lay you across this oddly sticky counter and make sweet, sweet love to you until the sun rises tomorrow in exchange for pants.

DCL (sizes me up skeptically): Not going to happen.

Me (producing a spot-on Photoshopped duplication of the ticket from my pocket): Oh! Silly me! What was I thinking? Here’s the ticket!

DCL (runs the ticket through a hologram scanner and one of those machines that blows puffs of air on you at the airport): This is a fake.

Me: I give up. Have a good day.

I’m sure it’s something like that. I just don’t want to chance it.

12 Responses to “My Greatest Fear #23: Losing My Dry Cleaning Ticket”

  1. Sarah says:

    Silly Jamey. Being permitted to make sweet, sweet love to the dry-cleaning clerk requires a ticket, too. It’s different from the one required for picking up clothes, though, if memory serves.

  2. I think that the dry cleaning laundry need to have some rules that if a customer loses his or her ticket then after by some means the laundry keeper return back his/her dresses.

  3. T-Mac says:

    I believe the hierarchy of power in this world and others is something like this:

    Major heads of state
    Dry Cleaning Lady in a ticketless situation
    Financial powerhouses
    Legislative bodies
    Rolling Stone magazine
    State governments
    Bill Belichick

    (or something like that). Needless to say, you don’t mess with the DCL.

  4. ms says:

    Well, as one who has lost her ticket — I know they made me a sign a book promising to give them my first born — oops that would be Jamey. yikes – Jamey you already belong to the DRL.

    Actually one day I had forgotten my slip – could not find it – but I just knew I had clothes to pick up. I went in and pleaded for my clothes which the went to look for. Meanwhile I was writing my check(yep they only take cash or checks) and discovered I had already written a check !! HA HA HA – I had already picked up my clothes and had forgotten that I did. I felt silly, forgetful and old.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Ha ha ha…wow, I’m glad you shared this news on the blog! I guess this means that someday I’ll have to go work at a dry cleaning shop.

  5. Jasmin says:

    I’m surprised the story didn’t end with you running out of the store not wearing any pants or in a naked panic state.

    And I totally agree with the sticky counter statement. Why is the counter sticky in every dry cleaning place? Aren’t they suppose to be dry and clean?

  6. Orianna says:

    lolol This is up there with the Freudian naked dream. And Bill B is evil in my view. Darn Patriots.

  7. When it comes to dry cleaners, i always make sure that i go to some dry cleaners that uses natural and organic cleansers because it helps the environment. “‘*.*

    Yours truly

  8. […] on the rare occasion that I go to the dry cleaners (which is already the source of greatest fear #23), the very last thing I want is to stain my newly cleaned dress pants. I’m constantly on the […]

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