Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 31-40

The countdown begins.

This year I slightly changed things up in three specific ways: In past years, people have written down their grievances at my Festivus party on pieces of paper scattered throughout my condo. This year, thanks to my Whiteyboard (it’s a brand name, not racial commentary) and a white board borrow from work, people’s grievances were much more public the second they wrote them.

That led me to my second change: Stacking grievances. I’ve done this a little in the past–adding people’s secondary comments and reactions onto previously written grievances–but this year’s responses took the original grievances to a new level. So I wrapped up all related comments into more cohesive grievance packages.

The final change had to do with how the grievances were selected. The process was essentially the same: Four friends who didn’t attend the party were asked to determine the top 40 based on my Top 53 (I basically nixed anything that was a private joke, completely illegible, or just not that good). Today’s judge is the very funny Josh of JoshVision. He had the dubious distinction of selecting his favorite 30 grievances, putting them aside, and then choosing his favorites from the remainders. He ranked those favorites from 31 to 40.

The difference this year is that the next judge, Gabby, had the ability to swap out one grievance from his pool from one in Josh’s pool in case he disagreed. In this case, Gabby pulled #hashtags out of the top 30 and pulled a grievance that will be revealed later into the top group.

If you wrote any of these grievances, take credit in the comments section–you deserve it!

The Grievance Whiteyboard

40. Ryan Gosling. (Followed by: That not every dude looks like him naked.)

39. Jokes about Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage. (Followed by: Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage. [Followed by: Kim Karsdashian.])

38. #hashtags

37. By the time I picked up the marker for my grievance, I forgot my grievance.

36. Nipple hairs. When have you ever been useful?

35. When you tell someone you’re going to a Festivus party and they ask, “What is Festivus?”

34. Fast food restaurants forgetting to put the straw in my bag.

33. Frankly, after tonight, I’m kind of pissed that I can’t express my grievances every day. (Followed by: People who don’t have journals and complain that they don’t have a way to grieve every day.)

32. Hershey’s chocolate and Tootsie Rolls being handed out on Halloween as if they’re treats.

31. Not being taken seriously. (Followed by: In bed. [Followed by: Assholes who do not take me seriously. {Followed by: In bed.]])

Check back tomorrow for 21-30!

1 thought on “Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 31-40”

  1. Ryan Gosling!!! Yes!!! Finally, the revolution begins. Thank you, unnamed friend of Jamey, for standing up to this Canadian Lothario with his perfect hair and underdeveloped pecs. No no, Ryan Gosling. Not everyone has fallen under the hypnotic spell of your strangely close eyes. A remnant remains!!! A remnant that remembers when movie stars were men, full of steely eyed resolve and proudly displaying their chest hair. Men who would never disrobe at the command of a woman. Men who would respond to a declaration of love with a simple “I know.” This is not you, Ryan Gosling. This is not you.

    A remnant remains!!!


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