Would You Let Your Child Attend Hogwarts?

The other day I watched a terrible movie called Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief. It’s essentially Harry Potter with Greek mythology.

In Percy Jackson’s world, the equivalent of Hogwarts (don’t worry, I’ll get to Hogwarts in a minute) is something called Camp Halfblood, where teenagers spend all day clashing swords and shooting bows and arrows. Because those are important skills to have in 2012.

The surprising thing to me about Camp Halfblood is that not only are the children genuinely trying to hurt each other as they train, but their instructors are actually encouraging them to hurt each other. These aren’t plastic swords or Nerf arrows–they’re real! Why are those activities in the curriculum? Why would parents let their kids attend this school?!

Okay, on to Hogwarts. Let’s start with Quidditch. On paper, Quidditch looks like a lively game that’s similar to handball, but with flying players. But in reality, it’s an extremely violent game where you fly around hundreds of feet off the ground and try to knock opposing players off their broomsticks. And even if they don’t plummet to their death, getting hit in the head with a bludger will break your face. Why would you sign up for this game? What parent would let their child play Quidditch?!

Finally, here’s the big one: The Triwizard Tournament. Tell me, parents, would you sign your 14-year-old up for a competition that will require them to (a) fight a dragon, (b) swim through an enchanted lake for upwards of 20 minutes without a breathing apparatus, and (c) run through a maze? (Okay, the maze wouldn’t be all that deadly if Voldemort hadn’t gotten involved.) None of that seems like a good idea.

Despite all that, would you still let your child attend Hogwarts? I’m homeschooling Biddy, that’s for sure.

10 thoughts on “Would You Let Your Child Attend Hogwarts?”

  1. This is the same argument that many parents have for forbidding their children from hockey, football, or crocheting. Why would anyone let their children be slammed into on the ice, be run over by an obscenely large teenage running back, or play with needles? In a world where football, hockey, and crocheting don’t exist (the UK), sport has evolved into quidditch. It’s an interesting case study, really. Similar to how the emu and the ostrich had a common ancestor but evolved differently because the Indian Ocean separates Australia and Africa, British and American sport have evolved in similar fashin with no contact between the two nations for millions of years. So, the next time we in America look upon quidditch with a disapproving eye, we should remember that the British simply don’t know any better.

    (For more on the Triwizard Tournament, Google “triwizard = pamplona” and sift through the extensive document library that recounts a similar evolution that occurred between the British dragon fighting/maze triwizard aspects and the Spanish running of the bulls. Speculation is that the enchanted lake swim grew out of a drunken Winston Churchill declaration and that it has absolutely no bearing on sport in other nations.)

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    • I had forgotten that you have a minor in mythological English sports. Very well done, sir.

      Does anyone from England read this blog so you can confirm Trev’s extensive and irrefutable evidence?

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    • England doesn’t have Hockey because it’s not that cold for that long. But they have Rugby, which is what we call “football” (not what they call “football”) without set plays, helmets or flags. It’s, “I’m gonna take this ball up the field. Try to stop me.” Now, I don’t know enough about Cricket to compare it to baseball, but I hear the natural comparison is there. Then you have my favorite, which is Irish, and it’s Hurling. Golf, Hockey, soccer, all come from the bad-assery of 15 men on a field each swinging a stick at a ball that is too often in someone else’s hand.

      Recall in Angels and Demons (the book) when the guard asks the Camerlengo about the challenge reconciling an all good, all knowing God and the presence of evil. “Do you have a child? Would you let him skateboard?”

      As for Hogwarts. Yes. It’s what you do when you’re a wizard. There’s a base of learning that everyone should have to become successful. For wizards, that means doing things that we see as dangerous, because with magic, the consequences are less permanent.

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      • No, I’m way to irresponsible to maintain my own blog. It’s much easier to comment when it’s convenient than to actually commit to creating and releasing regularly scheduled interesting content.

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  2. and jamey, camp halfblood (mudblood?) is for kids that are half god… i probs wouldn’t worry about them too much… i would totally let my kids attend hogwarts and if i didn’t it wouldn’t be because i was worried it would be because i was jealous. i hear battling dragons is a good character builder.

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  3. Your 14 year old wouldn’t be allowed to enter the Triwizard tournament because they are too young. Unless they’re Harry Potter or the most powerful dark wizard of all time wanted to kill them.
    Also with Madame Pomfrey on the scene, any injuries would be promptly healed.
    Anyone who’s read the books or watched the movies knows that Hogwarts is the safest place to be, so really everyone should be sending their children there.
    Unless you’re a muggle. You can just go away if you’re one of those. Eugh.

    Reply

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