All in the Family: The Last 3 Polls for Round 1

So, just for full disclosure, I realized today that I made a mistake. I accidentally left out a contestant who submitted on time. Also, you all are having too much fun poking at each other, and I want to get in on it. Thus I’m entering my photo in the contest. If, by a long shot, I win the contest, I’ll give the whole prize pot to a charity of the runner-up’s choice.

These are the final three polls for round one. Voting will continue until Sunday at 1:00 pm CST. Good luck being super awkward!


Josh says: “In my defense, I’ve always heard that the camera adds ten pounds of head/glasses weight. You should have just called this the Tournament of Josh.”


Katie says:

“Airline ticket to London: $750
Admission to Madame Tussaud’s: $15
Realizing 15 years later that with your ghostly complexion and metal mouth that you wouldn’t have even had a shot with the Brad Pitt wax figurine: priceless”

My coworker, Cathy, is revolted by this photo from her younger years. I actually think she was kinda cute back in the day.


Speaking of cute…here I am, world. Your daily dose of handsome, coming at you from 1995 with slickly parted hair, a t-shirt that I’d never grow into, and a classic pair of jean shorts.


Jess says: “It was incredibly difficult to pick just one given my young tendency to dress in my parents’ castoffs and the absolutely terrible glasses that I wore. I’d estimate that I’m about 8 in this photo wearing an old nightgown of my mother’s under my dad’s overalls.”



Jess is the science experiment on the left. She says: “I am struck by the amount of self confidence I must possess to send this onto the internet with no “after” picture. But I have to respect that this poor little nerd had no idea that she would someday grow up to be nerd in better clothes.”


Katie (Josh’s sister–see first poll of today) says: “Josh asked Mom to send him any awkward pictures of himself that he could submit for the contest.  In looking for his pictures she found pictures of me and suggested that I enter too because she thought I had him beat.  I’m not sure if I should be flattered by her confidence in me or offended that she thinks I’m so much more awkward than him (because Josh had a few suuuper awkward years).”


That’s Trevor (T-Mac in the comment section) on the left and his sister on the right. I think she may beat the cat in John’s photo yesterday for Best Non-Contestant Creature in a Photo.

30 thoughts on “All in the Family: The Last 3 Polls for Round 1”

    • To be fair, Jess, Trev originally submitted a photo of himself from Festivus this past year. But I found this gem in a photo album of mine while looking for my awkward photo.

      • I must admit, I voted for Science Project Jess. I called my parents and asked for awkward photos, but my mother sent cute toddler pictures instead. I’ll give a shout out to Jamey for making the most of a very odd oversized plastic visor.

        Also, mark down the week of March 19th. I’ll be in Virginia rummaging through my old room the weekend before, and I’ll come back a picture or two that won’t impact that contest, but should make for a fun entry.

      • oh I so wish that Katie (in the photo with Trevor) would have submitted this photo — what a face of ____ and a nose of ____ – that is the picture to win, hands down.

  1. Katie. as much as I enjoyed Josh’s Rick Moranis photo, the true reason I did not vote for you was my fear that you might show your feet in your “After” photo.

    Jamey, if I voted for you as the most awkward, I would have to admit that my jean shorts and giant Glenn Robinson jersey were not the best choice. My vote went to Cathy, who was great in To Kill a Mockingbird.

    T-Mac, were this a Tournament of Awesomeness, I would have voted for you on account of your sister (She-Mac?). In fact, I almost did just to keep her around, then I realized that Jess was not actually at a science fair. She’s clearly at her house…wearing a tie. In fact, I’ll go so far as to speculate that there was no science fair. This just seems like a stage in life when Jess wore ties and explored the scientific method. I could be wrong. I don’t know. Let’s keep Jess around to find out.

    • Science Fair Jess’s photo truly is too good to be true. The hunched over posture, the giant shirt, the tiny tie, the weak attempt to show as few teeth as possible…it’s amazing.

      LOL…Cathy does look straight out of To Kill a Mockingbird!

    • Please, someone vote for me so that this is not what you all envision me looking like whenever I post a comment on the blog. Feet or no feet, give me a chance to properly redeem myself.

      I have my arm around a wax figurine of Brad Pitt for goodness sake. AND LOOK AT HOW HAPPY I WAS ABOUT IT. I was obviously awkward enough that this would be the highlight of my adolescence. Not to mention that I still kind of consider faux-Brad to be my first real boyfriend. He didn’t judge me, didn’t tell me lies, he just smoldered at me until he could smolder no more. Or until security made me move along because I was making everyone uncomfortable.

      Let’s not automatically equate glasses with awkwardness, people. Had I been pitted against Jess, I would gladly concede. But Josh looks pretty darn adorable to me. I’m willing to bet that his little smile not only got him out of a lot of trouble, but that it also convinced mothers around the world to fix him homemade cookies because he was just so cute. Kind of like how Dennis the Menace totally scammed Mrs. Wilson into thinking that he was such a good kid. I see it in your eyes, Josh!

      • Katie – While glasses don’t automatically equal awkwardness, let’s not gloss over the fact that those are AVIATOR glasses. And no, before you ask, I was not an actual fighter pilot, despite the danger that lived in my eyes. And though you may see yourself as terribly awkward in that picture, the look in Brad Pitt’s eyes (which by the way is a TERRIBLE likeness – it looks more like a stoned Antonio Banderas) says otherwise. It’s no contest.

        I think my sister Katie is a dark horse in this thing. Jess is a juggernaut but Katie has one thing she doesn’t – a fem-mullet. And an awesome sweater.

        • Josh–Thank you for answering what everyone was thinking but not asking (“Was he a fighter pilot?”) I wondered that myself for many years.

      • Katie–These are all great points. The giddiness in your face is a dead giveaway that you were experiencing one of the happiest moments of your life in that photo.

  2. Hey Jaam, was that picture of you taken while you were standing in line for the George Michael concert you went two with those 2 men in ’95?

    Just trying to help you get a point or two 🙂

    • I know, that nose is awful. He was probably one of the worst ones there. The rest looked much better. In the full picture, Mel Gibson is to the left. Even his wax sculpture in 1997 had crazy eyes. I also have an awesome picture of me and Michael Jackson somewhere.

  3. I want everyone to go through again, and presume the the description is ABOVE rather than below the photo, as I did. I thought that Josh WAS the wax Brad Pitt. I thought the grainy picture of Jamey was Cathie, and could see why she was so mortified. Not until I hit round 3 did I realize my error, but it was hysterical!

  4. I think Cathy looks outright movie-star gorgeous!
    Granted, my sense of what’s good-looking is probably skewed by the rest of the pictures in this post, so it might need some recalibration, but look at that perfect skin and glossy hair! She’s sort of the mid-century version of Mercedes from America’s Next Top Model Cycle 2. I initially thought that Jamey had rigged the category by pitting himself against Cathy’s glamour shot portrait.

    But then I scrolled down and found Jess #1. Whoa. Not rigged.

    Bless you, Jess #1, for redeeming Jamey’s honor! You were one odd little duck back in the day, weren’t you?

  5. Thanks for your confidence in my fem-mullet, Josh. Can I point out that everyone has awkward years in middle school, but who’s that awkward before they even hit puberty?!

    • Oh Josh’s Sister Katie, My 2nd grade mullet (a grown-out version of The Haircut from 1st grade) would’ve been such good friends with your mullet!

      You make a salient point. Did you continue to be that awkward all the way up to and including puberty? That would be a formidable body of work. If your answer is “yes,” I think Jamey should give you a bye through the semi-finals just so we can all experience the arc of your greatness.

      • I was sooo awkward for sooo many years. I think I learned to be less outwardly awkward around my sophomore year of college, but it’s all still there just under the surface.

        In a resounding victory for the awkward everywhere, I’m a manager at Nordstrom now and people ask ME for fashion advice every day. Ha!

        • I really like part of that second sentence: “It’s all still there under the surface.” I think that’s probably the case for MANY of us, if not all of us (at least within this contest). I think it’s kind of awesome when people embrace their awkwardness and find a way to operate smoothly in society.

  6. Sorry, Katie #1. Josh has the aviator glasses coupled with the Michael Jordan t-shirt. There’s no doubt he took that look to a summer basketball camp and was mocked by a gigantic but equally awkward kid who looked like he hit puberty at 10. Having personally experienced that situation (from both sides), I have to give my vote to poor Josh.

    Katie #2, you are an incredible competitor, one of the strongest in the tournament. But I’m sorry, you’ve run into the brick wall of The Tie. Best of luck next time.

  7. Sorry, Sarah. The problem with The Big White Shoes Era was that I knew how awkward I was at the time, so I refused to submit to any photographs. Pictures of me from any era are quite hard to come by, actually. I find the process of baring my teeth at a camera to be unsettling. The most awkward one I could find was my mug shot from a couple years ago, and I most certainly am not posting that one.

  8. Sorry, Katie, but I can only see cuteness in braces in your photo. I feel certain that you were one of the cool kids who made fun of me in middle school. I mean, you weren’t, because I don’t know you, but I feel certain of it. (cries a little bit remembering those hard times)


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