Confession #18: The 11 Horcruxes of Jamey Stegmaier

My horcruxes are a little different than Voldemort's.

In the Harry Potter mythos, Voldemort broke his own soul into 7 different pieces and ensnared them in various objects that were dear to his heart so that he could live forever. Put all the horcruxes together and you complete Voldemort. Destroy them and you destroy Voldemort forever.

In a similar vein, I’ve decided that I have 11 horcruxes. Many of them are actions, not objects, but all of them are dear to me. If you embody all of these elements, you have direct access to my heart and soul.

  1. Your Grandmother: If you adore your grandmother (and/or grandfather), I will adore you.
  2. Chocolate: If you give me chocolate, I will adore you.
  3. Laughter: Find the fun in things and laugh even when the joke’s not all that funny–there’s a certain vulnerability about making a joke, and I like to surround myself with people who encourage that type of vulnerability. Laugh the hardest at things that are truly funny, of course, but if you easily laugh at things, I will adore you.
  4. Biddy: Be sweet to my cat and I will adore you.
  5. Awareness: I am drawn to people who are aware of the people around them. Some people march through life as if they’re the only person alive. Others hold the door open for the person behind them, help people reach top-shelf cereals in the grocery store, and adjust their position to allow a new person into a group at a party. Be aware of the people around you and I will adore you.
  6. {this one is censored because it involves a certain bedroom activity}
  7. The Blog/Writing: I want you to have your own hobbies and passions, but if you take the time to read my work too, I will adore you.
  8. Slurpees: Surprise me with a Coke Slurpee every now and then and I will adore you.
  9. Personal Space: Give me personal space without me having to ask for it and I will adore you.
  10. Acts of Service: Do something to save me time and I will adore you.
  11. Your Thoughts: I’m mildly interested in what you’ve been doing and what’s happened to you. What really interests me is what you’ve been thinking. Some people do and others think. If you’re the thinking type of person, I will adore you.

What are some of your horcruxes?