The Art of Flirtation: An Awkward Male’s Perspective

This is a Mars vs. Venus entry, meaning I’m going to share my male perspective, and then at the end of the entry you can click over to my blogger friend Katy’s blog for the female perspective on flirting.

I’ve always enjoyed flirting, but over the past year I’ve had a series of epiphanies about the importance of flirting to romantic relationships.

You see, I love the chase. Getting to know someone new, not knowing whether or not they’re interested or what they’re ready for…all that tension and suspense and curiosity. Love it.

But I’ve never been able to sustain the high I feel when the chase is on. It always dies down. So I started to wonder if there was a way to sustain the chase after you commit to someone.

Then I realized that the answer was right in front of me: In a relationship, you can sustain the excitement of the chase through intentional flirtation.

“Intentional” is really important here. Flirtation is a choice. Do you not think of yourself as a good flirter? Keep trying until you get it right. Do you not flirt with your husband or wife? Start doing it. Today. It’s really important. Do you often get stuck in the friend zone? It might be because you’re not flirting.

Also, let me be clear about what I mean by flirtation. I don’t mean signals or playful banter. Those things are important, but by flirtation I specifically mean doing something to get a rise out of someone else. To turn them on a little bit or ignite a spark of chemistry.

It’s sexual, but I think that true flirtation should exist independent of sex. Don’t flirt with someone because you want them to have sex with you right away. If you do, that person may stop responding well to flirtation because it’ll feel like a game, a means to an end. Rather, flirt for the sake of flirting. Flirt for the fun of the moment. Flirt because it feels good right now.

So here’s what I have to offer: 3 physical flirtation tips and 3 non-physical tips. I am by no means an expert. In fact, I can be quite awkward at times. But I think these tips are pretty universal–they apply to men and women.


  1. Proximity. Stand or sit too close to the other person.
  2. Physicality. Touch the person on their arm/leg, escalating the touch if they reciprocate.
  3. Focus. Make intense eye contact from time to time. Don’t stare–just show the other person that you see them and only them.


  1. Mention nudity. For example,  talk about when you’re naked at home, the last time you took a shower, etc. Be bold and make their mind wander.
  2. Ask the other person what they’re wearing. It’s such a simple, innocuous question, but it shows the other person that you’re picturing them in your mind at that moment, and it gives the chance to have some fun with their response.
  3. Send the other a photo of yourself, or part of yourself. With photos, what is left barely revealed is a lot sexier than revealing what’s underneath. Some people are afraid of photos getting spread around, so don’t include your face in the photo if that’s your concern.

What do you think? How important do you think flirtation is in a relationship? What are some ways that you get a rise out of people through flirtation? Head on over to see what Katy has to say about flirtation.