My Greatest Fear #28: Spitting My Drink All Over a Date

I’ll start off by saying that like all of my greatest fears, this has never happened. I’m sorry to disappoint.

But it COULD happen.

On a date the other day, it occurred to me that this fear has come to mind on many dates. I’ll be taking a sip of water or beer, and suddenly I’ll become overly conscientious with swallowing very slowly and carefully.

I mean, we’ve all spit up our drinks before, right? A little drop of liquid catches in the back of your throat and instantly your body responds, projecting all of the liquid in your mouth in a spray that covers anyone and everyone within a 5-foot radius.

Can you imagine the horror of that happening on a date? I imagine it playing something like this:

Her (laughing at something amazing I just said): That is SO funny. I love it when cats do that. In fact, I know it’s only our second date, but I love you.

Me: I know.

Her: Did you just pull a Han Solo on me?

Me (slightly aroused by the fact she knows Star Wars that well): Maybe…depends on whether or not you’re Princess Leia in this situation.

Her (arching an eyebrow): I DO have an exact replica of that tiny bikini she wears in Episode VI.

Me (fully aroused, trying to retain my composure by taking a sip of Newcastle): BLETCH!

Her: You just spit all over me. This is over. We’re done. (Marches out of the bar, pausing to make out with some dude who looks like Jar Jar Binks)

Yeah. It could happen. I hope that it never does, but it could. Maybe it’ll actually end up being like that romantic spit-take scene on Parks and Rec.

Has this ever happened to you? What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done on a date?