Things I Shouldn’t Say During Movember

Last night I had a few friends over for game night. At some point in the evening we were talking about the lack of overhead lighting in my condo, and I said, “I like dim lighting.”

Under normal circumstances, this would be a normal preferential statement. But look to the left at my current photo and imagine me saying, “I like dim lighting.”

Yeah. Welcome to Creepy Town.

I’ve now realized that there are a whole host of normal phrases that are suddenly really sketchy because of the thin coating of bristles under my nose. No matter that I’m doing it for men’s cancer awareness month, Movember.  No matter that I’m doing it to honor my father, who is a cancer survivor.

No matter the intent, it’s has the effect of making normal statements sound creepy. How in the world am I going to date this month?

So I need your help. Think of all the innocuous statements I need to avoid saying this month and post them in the comments below. Anything goes. I assume there will be some phrases with the word “motorboat” that I need to avoid (because I talk SO much about motorboats). If there’s one that I really love, I’ll post it as the permanent caption on this photo.

Sigh. It feels so weird to have this thing on my lip. (Add that line to the list.)

25 thoughts on “Things I Shouldn’t Say During Movember”

  1. A friend of mine is doing this too. The other day he was talking about a friend’s little girl who is 2 or 3 years old. He said, “I just want to pinch her cheeks.” So there’s that.

  2. Lots of links today! They made me laugh.

    Rupert: Good call. I should not go trenchcoat shopping this month. Or shopping for vans with no windows.

    Anne: That is definitely something I should not say this month! 🙂

  3. I think the offering of sweets of any type (cookies or candy, especially) might be something to avoid this month.

    Also, “Can I get you something to drink?” could be a little creepy with the presence of the ‘stache (if the person is looking at you while you’re asking).

  4. I can really see date-Jamey being a complete disaster this month. No matter how hard he tries, or how charming he is, it’s going to be super creeptastic.

    At dinner, and she’s talking about her adorable nieces and nephews…
    Jamey: Kids are so awesome.

    Driving back after the meal…
    Jamey: Let’s take this shortcut I know.

    He convinces her to come up for a nightcap:
    Jamey: You like that drink? It’s an old family recipe with a little something extra I added in just for you.

    Also, I don’t know how much winking you do in everyday life, Jamey, but you might want to tone it down for the next couple of weeks. It might usually be cute and even a little endearing, but mustachioed Jamey just makes it uber-weird.

    • Those are hilarious, Katie. I think my favorite is the innocuous “Let’s take this shortcut I know.”

      I really don’t wink enough in daily life, so I’ll definitely step it up.

  5. It’s probably not a good month to be in the same room as an altar boy at church. Any room.

    You probably shouldn’t say, “What a cute kid! Can I take his picture?” to anyone. You probably don’t want to ask any women if you can take their pictures either.

    “You smell nice.”

    “One time I put a poll about the type of panties women prefer on my blog. You should really go there and check it out.”

    “I have a blog. It’s about relationships and thoughts I have.”

    “I used to have a doll that looks just like you.”

    Lightly touching anyone, including a hand on the shoulder, is probably a mistake this month.

    “Your skin is sooooo soft!”

    “My phone isn’t working. Can I come in and use your telephone?”

    “I’m going to play with my cats tonight.”


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