You Decide: Should I Grow a Movember Mustache?

Me and Dad

Two polls in three days? I know. It’s too much. But it’ll make sense in a minute.

I’m trying to decide if I should grow a Movember Mustache (Mostache? Movemstache? Mustover?). And I want you to decide for me.

Now, wait a minute–don’t get all clicky clicky on me yet. Of course you want to see me in some ridiculous mustache. But I want you to weigh the pros and the cons first.

Pros:

  • Apparently growing a Mostache helps raise awareness for men to check their testicles and prostate for cancer. I think that’s the point of all this. It’s more than just an excuse for Portlandians to grow more facial hair, right?
  • My father had cancer in his early 20s and beat the pants off of it, so perhaps this would be a cool way of honoring him. His birthday is also coming up. And he used to rock a pretty awesome mustache (see photo). So maybe he’ll enjoy this. Maybe it’s something we can both do this month. I’m pretty sure his mustache will end up much cooler than mine, though.
  • I will look silly within a few days, much less by month’s end. Perhaps this will make you happy.
  • I won’t have to shave my upper lip for a while. That’ll save me 30 seconds every morning. That’s 30 more seconds of sleep.
  • Festivus is on December 1, so I’ll be clean shaven for the biggest party of the year.

Cons:

  • Kissing me in November will be unbearable. Ladies, if you have plans on kissing me this month, do not vote “yes” to Mostache. Also, please tell me if you plan on kissing me. That type of information is helpful to know in advance.
  • You know how some guys look really nice with a little stubble? I am not one of those guys. The phases of me not shaving for a few days go from trashy to creepy to unknown (I haven’t gotten past the creepy stage without shaving). Notice that there is no “manly” or “handsome” phase in there.
  • I don’t really buy into the whole “mustaches for cancer awareness” thing. I mean, do people really look at mustaches in November and think, “Hey, I’m going to roll my balls between my forefinger and thumb to check for lumps the next chance I get?” That’s not really the effect I’m going for if/when I grow facial hair. I guess the point is: Is this really helping anyone, or, as I noted above, is it just an excuse for men to grow facial hair for a month?

You tell me. I reserve the right to change my mind about this at any time, but I will try to respect the vote.

22 thoughts on “You Decide: Should I Grow a Movember Mustache?”

  1. I love that I am 100% of the vote.

    Let me tell you why I voted no:

    1) You’re too pretty (and I mean that in a good way) for a mustache.

    2) It’s not the 70’s.

    3) If I were to kiss you (and I’m not saying that I will be), I would like you to be stubble free.

    4) Just buy a shirt that says, “Hey, don’t forget to roll your balls between your forefinger and thumb to check for lumps the next chance you get.”

    5) You might scare Walter and Biddy.

    6) Ew.

    Reply
  2. Do it! It’s one month, it’s not like it’s a huge lifelong commitment. Think of it as an awesome social experiement: do you feel or behave any differently with the mustache? Do people treat you differently simply because you have a few hairs on your upper lip?

    I went topless for most of October to raise awareness for breast cancer. You can grow a mustache for prostate cancer awareness. Do it for the balls, Jamey. Do it for the balls. They need you.

    Reply
  3. This is an absolutely terrifying thought to me. I generally associate mustaches with people like this: https://a.abcnews.com/images/Entertainment/ht_tucci_lovely_bones_091215_mn.jpg

    OR

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/10/Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-S33882,_Adolf_Hitler_retouched.jpg/230px-Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-S33882,_Adolf_Hitler_retouched.jpg

    OR

    https://images-undertheradar.military.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ronburgundy.jpg

    Okay, I guess the last one is amazing. But the other two are creepy enough to almost outweigh it.

    If you want to do something awesome to support prostate cancer research, they have a dollar for dollar match program through Dec. 31 of this year. The Safeway Foundation has promised to match up to $1 million. THAT is amazing!! Or, you can start your very own dodgeball tournament or softball game to raise money for the PCF through the Athletes for a Cure program. https://www.pcf.org/site/c.leJRIROrEpH/b.5822029/k.FD5D/Athletes_for_a_Cure.htm

    Whatever you decide to do, it’s a great cause. 🙂

    Reply
    • The Mustacheology picture is awesome. 🙂

      So you’re saying that I’m not going to cure the world of cancer just by growing a mustache? If only it were that easy…

      Reply
  4. I “mustache” you a question about past attempts at growing a ‘stache. Do any pictures exist to show a preview of just how goofy a mustache might look on you?

    I don’t really think people who see it are going to instantly make the connection that mustache equals check for lumps, but since it’s out of the norm for you, people may ask why you are growing a creepy mustache and you’ll be able to spread awareness when answering.

    My first response was to say NO, don’t do it, but at least a mustache isn’t as bad as a full beard, or “No Shave November,” which most of the men I know participate in… purely for the excuse to be lazy all month. I say go for it, get your dad on board to grow one too, and use it as a cool way to honor him and his triumph over cancer. And you can always shave if you get tired of having an itchy upper lip. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Movember is about the only time you can grow a mustache without people being TOO creeped out by it, so go for it! When else are you ever going to try it? Also, most people I know who’ve done it raise money from those who want to see them grow a ridiculous looking mustache—I always interpreted it as a charity-raising sort of event than just an awareness event.

    On the kissing note—kissing guys with mustaches/beards/stubble is not great, but most girls won’t refrain from kissing you just because of the facial hair. Especially if she knows it has a finite end date. Think of it this way, if you happen to meet the girl of your dreams this month, she’ll probably kiss you anyway, she’ll be forever grateful for your future clean shaven face, and you’ll have a great story about your first kiss.

    Reply
    • You make a solid case for this, Christine. I’m starting to root for the yeses.

      And for the record, I didn’t shave my mustache this morning. I’ll take one photo a day every day to record the results.

      Reply
        • Oh yes, I’m well into it at this point. I’m taking photos every few days, and I’ll share one a week as it happens. I just found out today that we have a board meeting at work in two weeks, so my mustache will make an appearance there. It’s not pretty.

          Reply

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