How Does One Drink Out of a Beer Bottle on a Date?

The easy answer to this question is, duh, don’t drink beer out of a bottle on a date. Pour it into a glass.

But let’s say you don’t have that option. Or you don’t want that option because you like drinking beer out of a bottle. Hypothetically.

When you bring the bottle to your lips, particularly when you get to the point that the bottle must be perpendicular with your face for you to take a swig, which direction do you face? Do you face forward as you listen to the woman talk, blocking her face with the bottle? Do you turn to the side to give her a mugshot view? If so, which side? The same side as the arm that is holding the bottle? Or the other? Or perhaps you should use both hands, or none?

Speaking of hands, where should you grasp the bottle? At the bottom or near the top? Does a gentleman extend his pinky as he drinks a fine lager, or is a firm grasp on the bottle with all fingers more important?

And what about lips on the bottle? I’m guessing that you let your lips form a narrow channel into which the beer can flow. But it leaves the slight possibility that some beer will escape onto your face. Thus should you form a complete suction around the bottleneck? I feel like that would look weird.

These are the things I think about on dates.

13 thoughts on “How Does One Drink Out of a Beer Bottle on a Date?”

  1. I wonder if I’m sitting up straight enough because, if I’m not, it’s usually allowing the [lucky] man sitting in front of me an up-close-and-personal glimpse of my cleavage.

    Posture is important, people.

    Reply
  2. Doesn’t matter how you drink your bottle beer. Just don’t chuck it. And as long as you are listening to her and asking questions. You are doing great. No need for maintaining eye contact 24/7 (That’s creepy). You are not having a stare contest with a cat.

    Reply
  3. You are like a WASPier version of Woody Allen 😛
    I don’t think there are any rules, just don’t get drunk! I’ve heard that if someone peels the label on their beer (back in the day when beer still had labels not like all those sleek Bud Lights now), it meant that they are sexually frustrated. You can also try to do the cross-arm technique to see how coordinated you are and drink at the same time as she does.

    Reply
    • Ha ha…well said. I don’t think I’m quite as particular as Woody Allen, but perhaps close. 🙂

      I never peel back labels, so perhaps that says something…

      I’ll try the drink-at-the-same time thing–synchronized drinking!

      Reply
  4. I think the only solution here is for you to be videotaped drinking beer in the various possible ways, post brief clips of each for your readers and let us vote.

    Reply

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