Pet Please #81: Discovering the Perfect Salsa

Sometimes the greatest loves of our lives have been there all along.

I’ve tried many a canned salsa in my day. There’s a whole shelf of them at the grocery store, not to mention the home-brew varieties in the fresh veggies section.

I’ll say it–I’ve been around the block when it comes to salsas. With so many flavors, how could you not? Each one offers a different level of spiciness to explore. Sometimes that extra kick is what you need–or what you think you need–at the time, but sometimes you need something more mild and gentle. A salsa that is willing to be the big spoon, if you know what I mean.

But the tricky thing with salsas is that no matter how many you try, there’s always a dozen more knocking on your door. It’s the paradox of choice–how can you ever be satisfied with one when there might be something better out there?

I’ve even gone so far as to double team salsas–to mix two of them in a tangle of tomatoes and peppers. It’s easy to get lost in the shuffle when you do that, or even be excluded from the fun as the two salsas clash and swim in each other’s moistness.

Then one day you find one that’s actually pretty good. You’re tentative at first, hesitant to commit after being hurt so many times by a salsa that’s too hot to handle. Perhaps you even try something else the next time you need a can–surely you haven’t found the one after so many dead ends.

Months later it catches your eye as you walk through the Mexican food aisle. You take a deep breath, gather your courage, and decide to give it another go. When the salsa hits your lips, you moan in pleasure as you experience a release that you didn’t know was possible.

You finally admit to yourself that you like it. A lot. You want to be with this salsa. You want to come home to this salsa waiting for you in the fridge. You didn’t see it coming, but when you least expected it, you found the greatest salsa of your life.

For me, my friends, that salsa is Hacienda’s house brand. Sorry, other salsas, but this man is taken.

Have you found the perfect salsa for you? Don’t settle on second best. You’re better than that.

9 thoughts on “Pet Please #81: Discovering the Perfect Salsa”

  1. I was with you all the way until you said Hacienda. I’m assuming you mean the place on Manchester.

    Commercially,Jack’s Special medium hot is mine (schnucks in the veg section). There is a guy at work that makes a salsa called Gator that is good. I also like a restaurant chain in northern Indiana also called Hacienda, but is way different from the imposter on Manchester.

    Reply
    • I’m glad you’ve found your perfect match as well. Also, I always support any canned good made by a random person you know. I need to find more foods made by random people.

      Reply
    • And, FYI, the best salsa is my own homemade version. Scoop after scoop of that fresh, tasty explosion filling my mouth with a fiesta the likes of which the world has never seen.

      Reply
    • Oh, it’s a please! That’s a big typo. Or a Freudian slip. Thanks for catching that. 🙂

      I’m going to have to try this salsa.

      Reply
      • What did you do before you had me nitpicking your every word (literally)?

        Door is open 🙂 All are welcome. Maybe if I ever make it to St. Louis I can whip you up a batch. Sometimes, I eat it with a spoon :O

        Reply
  2. I’m still on the quest for the “perfect” salsa, but my preferred flavor of the week is Newman’s Peach Salsa. It has just enough kick to balance out the sweet fruit, and is highly addictive.

    My other favorite is the salsa my mom whips up over the summer, even though no 2 batches ever taste the same. Sometimes it’s very mild while others will be burn your tongue off hot, so it can be a bit of a gamble, but usually delicious.

    Reply

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