Archive for November, 2013

Completely Random Confession: I Love the Movie “Hook”

Completely Random Confession: I Love the Movie "Hook"

(I’ll find a way to somehow tie this into Thanksgiving by the end of the entry, mark my words.) There was a Festivus grievance about Peter Pan the other day that made me remember Hook, one of my favorite movies from childhood. It’s one of those movies that I probably watched at least a dozen […]


Pet Please #99: Real Mail

Pet Please #99: Real Mail

Last week after my Festivus party, I got a thank-you note in the mail from one of my guests. It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot to me, largely in part because it was a real letter. I could hold it as I read it. I could see the personality in their handwriting. It […]


The Two Best Photos Ever Taken

The Two Best Photos Ever Taken

Okay, I’ll say it: It’s weird being an uncle. Because everything my “nephew” (he’s not actually my nephew, but he’s my best friend’s kid, so I view him as close to a kid can get to being my nephew) and niece do is ridiculously cute. I don’t see either of them very often, so most […]


My Greatest Fear #46: Missing 2 Minutes of a Movie to Go to the Bathroom Even If My Bladder Will Explode

My Greatest Fear #46: Missing 2 Minutes of a Movie to Go to the Bathroom Even If My Bladder Will Explode

If I were a betting man and people were taking bets on my bladder, I would bet that my bladder will someday explode while I’m watching a movie in a theater. And I’ll probably keep watching the movie so I don’t miss anything. Here’s how I know I have a problem: Tonight I was a […]


The Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2013

The Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2013

Ending our week-long list of grievances is this year’s Top 10. A big thanks to Josh for ranking these. May the crowd be in your favor. 10. When people walk at an intersection even though the walk light isn’t on. I need to make my turn! 9. That Breaking Bad didn’t end with the FBI giving Walter […]


Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 11-20

Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 11-20

We’re close to this year’s top Festivus grievances thanks to Bryce’s contribution yesterday. 11-20 were ranked by the illustrious Leo, who–true fact–was an extra in the movie Lincoln. As the thesbian he is, Leo added a few comments in brackets to these grievances. 20. Ambiguous relationship statuses. (someone added: It’s complicated.) [Leo: It’s all about the addition. Too […]


Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 21-30

Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 21-30

After we kicked off this year’s ranking yesterday, we’re back with 21-30. These were hand-selected by my friend Bryce. Caution: There is some slightly adult language among these grievances–words like “penis” and “pee pee.” These are not Bryce’s words. Rather, these are the words of slightly drunk Festivus party attendees. On to the grievances! 30. […]


Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 31-40

Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 31-40

It’s time for my annual ranking of the top grievances proposed at my Festivus party. Technically it’s not my ranking, as I wrote a number of the 71 grievances myself. Instead I sent that list of grievances to 4 of the funniest people I know who weren’t at the party due to excuses like “living […]


Top 10 Festivus Pet Pleases

Top 10 Festivus Pet Pleases

The true spirit of Festivus is grieving, not talking about what you’re thankful for. And trust me, there was plenty of grieving last night–my panel of judges will soon be reviewing the grievances for the Top 40 list. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I devoted a small section of the whiteboard to pet pleases […]


Festivus Cometh Early

Festivus Cometh Early

For the last 10 years, I’ve hosted a Festivus party in December. For those of you who didn’t watch TV in the 90s, Festivus is a made-up holiday featured on one episode of Seinfeld. According to George Costanza, Festivus features three traditions: A Festivus pole unadorned with any decorations or ornaments An airing of grievances […]


I Will Stop Wearing Pants to Work on December 16

I Will Stop Wearing Pants to Work on December 16

I’m pretty sure my first paying job was as a soccer referee in middle school. I wore pants on the field. My first hourly job was working at a movie theater the summer after high school. I wore pants to work. I had a work study job during college, summer jobs at restaurants, and a […]


Which Animated Movie Villain Scared You the Most as a Kid?

Which Animated Movie Villain Scared You the Most as a Kid?

This is completely random, but today I saw the new poster for Angelina Jolie’s movie Maleficent on one of the film blogs I read. It triggered some memories about animated movie villains that really got under my skin as a kid. Which, honestly, wasn’t difficult. I was scared by most things as a kid. So as far […]


A Post About Ashton Kutcher?

A Post About Ashton Kutcher?

If you told me 4 years ago that I would post a blog entry about Ashton Kutcher, I would have said, “That’s random. Who are you?” (Because I probably didn’t know you then. I probably don’t even know you now.) Yet here I am. Do you ever find yourself clicking one link after another online […]


The Never List

The Never List

A friend of mine e-mailed a big group of people this weekend with an interesting question: What’s one piece of advice you would give to your 15-year-old self. My friend has a nephew who is about to turn 15, and as a Christmas present he’s putting together a book of advice and anecdotes for him. […]


What November/December Movie Are You Most Looking Forward to?

What November/December Movie Are You Most Looking Forward to?

I realize I’m talking about movies on the blog a lot lately, but it’s either that or hypoallergenic cat food (based on what’s been on my mind), so I think this is the more interesting of the two topics. I get excited about movies year-round, but that excitement heightens in the summer and in November/December. […]


Eat the Movie

Eat the Movie

“I’ll have what she’s having.” I love hearing about innovative concepts for movie theaters. So when this article caught my eye, I knew I had to share it. The concept stems from movie theaters that serve food, but it takes that idea to a new level. The theater mentioned in the article serves the audience […]


Which Is Better: Drive-Thru or Delivery?

Which Is Better: Drive-Thru or Delivery?

Before you jump to the poll at the bottom of this post, let me explain exactly what I’m asking for here. Actually, let me start with what I’m not asking: Specifically, I’m not asking which type of food is better. I think we can safely agree that the vast majority of all food you get in a […]


Pet Peeve #52: When You Learn What a Keyboard Button Does by Accidentally Pressing It

Pet Peeve #52: When You Learn What a Keyboard Button Does by Accidentally Pressing It

I’ll never forget the first time I pressed “Insert” button on a computer keyboard. I was in sixth grade. I was working on a paper in a now-antiquated program called Microsoft Works on our first family PC. At the time I considered the program the pinnacle of technology next to a 16-bit dinosaur game that involved […]


Hyperbole and a Half

Hyperbole and a Half

A few years ago, my ex-roommate introduced me to a blog called Hyperbole and a Half. At first glance, it appears like a site designed in Microsoft Paint 20 years ago. But if you start reading the entries, you realize that it’s actually a really well-crafted, laugh-out-loud hilarious blog illustrated with images…drawn in Microsoft Paint. […]


A Movember to Forget

A Movember to Forget

Last November, I made an ill-advised move: I grew a mustache. Specifically, I grew a mustache to join the ranks of men (and some women) who participate in Movember, a movement to use mustaches to promote testicular cancer awareness and raise money for cancer research. It seemed like a good idea at the time: Grow […]