My Greatest Fear #46: Missing 2 Minutes of a Movie to Go to the Bathroom Even If My Bladder Will Explode

Yeah, I wouldn't miss a single second of her.

Yeah, I wouldn’t miss a single second of her.

If I were a betting man and people were taking bets on my bladder, I would bet that my bladder will someday explode while I’m watching a movie in a theater.

And I’ll probably keep watching the movie so I don’t miss anything.

Here’s how I know I have a problem: Tonight I was a few minutes into The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: The Movie That Didn’t Need a Subtitle when I realized that I kinda had to go to the bathroom. Just kinda.

“Eh,” I said to myself as I have so many times before. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to miss anything.”

Keep in mind that this is a movie based on a book that I’ve read. I know everything that happens. Even if I actually missed a few minutes to go to the bathroom, I could find that part in the book and refresh my memory.

But noooo, Jamey can’t miss a single second of the movie. The one time I did go to the bathroom during a movie (Harry Potter 6 or 7.1, I can’t remember which), I missed the ridiculously awesome animated scene about the three brothers and the wand of death, the sword, and the invisibility cloak. Never again, I vowed. Never again.

I won’t bore you with what proceeded to happen, but I’ll sum it up in a few bullet points. Keep in mind that none of these are logical–I think some of the pee got into my brain:

  • 30 minutes into the movie I decided that if I ate more popcorn faster, it would soak up some of the liquid inside of me and delay the need to go to the bathroom.
  • 1 hour into the movie I loosed my belt, figuring it would give my bladder more room to expand.
  • 90 minutes into the movie I briefly considered just peeing my pants.
  • 2 hours into the movie I regretted not sitting on the aisle, because even though I was halfway okay with missing a few minutes of the movie by that point to quell the pain shooting throughout my body, I didn’t want to stumble over people on my way out.

You read that right. Peeing my pants in a crowded movie theater occurred to me before I considered actually going to the bathroom.

Again, not that you want the details, but when the movie ended and I finally made it to the bathroom, I had to go so badly that I couldn’t go at all. Finally I relaxed and made it happen.

I foresee two ways this is going to end:

  1. My bladder explodes during a Peter Jackson movie.
  2. I get a catheter and pee whenever and wherever I want.

I can’t tell which one is more likely. What do you think?


8 Responses to “My Greatest Fear #46: Missing 2 Minutes of a Movie to Go to the Bathroom Even If My Bladder Will Explode”

  1. Sam says:

    There is actually an app for that! http://runpee.com/

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Ha ha…thanks for the reminder, Sam! I got that app a long time ago but haven’t ever used it. It sounds like I should, though!

  2. Jasmin says:

    I see a possible Christmas present for Jamey. I was thinking about a catheter the whole time I was reading this and then, BAM! You talk about getting a catheter. I would recommend a condom catheter, not the traditional one which a tube goes the wee wee.
    If you are curious about what a condom catheter is, click the link. https://myhealth.alberta.ca/health/_layouts/healthwise/media/medical/hw/h9991505_001.jpg

    Also, the story of the three brothers is from Harry Potter 7.1. It was pretty cool. Such a bad time for bathroom time. Then again, it bets pee in the brain.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      I think that’s probably the oddest link anyone has ever posted here, but it was awesome! That sounds way better than a traditional catheter.

      • Jasmin says:

        You are welcome. Now you know what it is and now if you or anyone you know needs a catheter, you would know which one to suggest depending on their situation.

        And the word “up” should be after “a tube goes”. I just can’t type as fast as I think.

        Also, eating more salty popcorn doesn’t help, only makes the urge to pee even greater. Salt takes water out of the body, making more pee. I would suggest not eating more salty popcorn when you are ready to just release right there and then.

  3. Tracy says:

    Not gonna lie, I had to pee all through Catching Fire as well, but I wasn’t about to get up! I sat through all 2 hours and 26 minutes with a full bladder, even though, like you, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I don’t regret it though! 🙂

  4. Charles says:

    Having just rewatched the Harry Potter movies with my kids, I have to say – the story of the three brothers was really awesome in the movie.

    Remind me to tell you about missing parts of movies at the Geekway, I’m sure it’ll cement the idea that you need catheter.

    • Jamey Stegmaier says:

      Thanks Charles! I look forward to hearing that story. I did finally watch that scene later, and it was indeed awesome.

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