Pet Please #105: Photos of Models Doing Things That No Human Has Ever Done

The Orange CullenI wasn’t planning on writing a blog entry now, but my cat (Biddy) just got on my desk, curled up between my arms while I typed an e-mail, and promptly fell asleep. He’s even snoring/purring. So I’m not going anywhere until he wakes up, because this is the best thing that’s ever happened. If Biddy stays like this forever, this is where I will live from now on, at my desk ordering take out and writing blog entries. Wait, that’s my life. (Except for the take out. I really need to do that more.)

Fortunately, a friend just sent me a photo that inspired the idea for this blog post. This afternoon, a new reader stumbled upon a blog entry from a few months ago about my incredulity that tucking shirts into jeans (I just typed “tucking shits into jeans,” a bold stylistic choice) was becoming a thing for men to do.

The reader noted that he likes the style, and he linked to several photos of male models casually wearing shirts tucked into jeans. Well, I assume that’s what the links were to. I clicked one of them, and that was enough.

However, another reader (the runner-up in the Tournament of Awkwardness contest) happened to be subscribed to the comments on that entry, and she clicked on all the links. And she came up with this little gem.

Now, before I address the photo here, let me say that one of my favorite things is to see photos of models where the director has instructed the model to do something ridiculous, but the model has to look serious about it. “Here, hold this penguin and feed it baby food while wearing a bikini” (the penguin is wearing the bikini, not the model. Obviously the model is naked). Check. “Here, throw a baseball, but not with your dominant hand, because the light isn’t good from the opposite side of this room made to look like a baseball field.” Check. “Here, Padma Lakshmi, eat a Hardees burger.” Check.

None of these things has or ever will happen in real life. And that’s awesome, because the models pull it off. We see those photos and think, “That’s a completely reasonable thing for her to do right now–penguin’s gotta eat!”

That brings us to the photo of a male model with his shirt tucked into jeans. I can get passed the shirt, the tuck, and the jeans rolled up at the ankle. It’s possible that a human has worn that outfit at some point in history.

I can even reason with the presence of the sword. Dude is in some sort of Night at the Museum situation where he needs to have a sword to survive. He probably did terrible things to diorama to get that sword. Totally worth it.

But to top it off–this is where reality crosses into fantasy–he’s just sitting there. No big deal. He just violated a manakin dressed up as King Henry to get that sword while being chased by a reanimated dinosaur and Owen Wilson (I haven’t seen the movie, but I’m assuming Owen Wilson is in it), and he decides to take a break and just sit there? What? You just lost me.

Especially since he took the time to tuck his shirt back in after the diorama incident.

The next time you see a model doing something amazing and completely unrealistic, share it here. It will make my day.

Also, Biddy hasn’t moved an inch. Can someone hand me my phone so I can see if Sweet Divine will deliver a cupcake to my mouth?