Last week there was a video circulating the internet involving a brief appearance by Bill Murray at a random bachelor party. When I saw a link to it, I was expecting to see Bill Murray acting goofy, maybe tell a joke or two, but what he actually said was a brilliant piece of advice about relationships.
Murray’s advice is that if you think you’ve found the person you want to marry, buy a plane ticket around the world. “Go to places that are hard to get to and hard to get out of,” he says.
When you get back to your home country, Murray says, if you’re still in love with that person, marry them.
I really like this advice, partially because it’s a version of a question I often ask when any friend is smitten with someone new. I ask them if they’ve take a trip with that person, and if they have, I ask them how it went and what they learned about the other person.
Murray takes it a step further with his trip around the world, but I like that better anyway. A road trip to Louisville is one thing. A multi-continent journey living out of one suitcase is quite another.
There’s so much you can learn about someone else and your relationship with them when you travel. Have you experienced this, especially during the foundational stages of a relationship? What did you learn?
I adore that man on a million different levels. The advice he gave was enough to make the deformed lump of obsidian in my chest cavity twitch with something that kind of resembled hope.
One of my cousins actually did something like that before being married to and have a kid with current wife. He and the ex took a trip somewhere and came back single. (No one got killed. My cousin didn’t murder anyone. Their relationship on the other hand was definitely dead.) I think he mentioned something that her habits or something that is very different from seeing her on dates and to embrace and live those differences with for the rest of his life is a no-go for him. Seriously, they were in serious relationship and my cousin was ready to pop the question when he brought the girl to the States for an introduction.
I’m glad that trip happened. I like this woman he married instead. So yeah, this tip from Bill Murray is pretty solid.
Jas: Thanks for sharing that story. I’m glad the trip helped them realize their long-term potential as a couple before they made that commitment!