Screw It, I’m Eating Popsicles with a Spoon

I’m Jamey. I’m 34 years old, and for my entire life, I’ve disliked biting into popsicles.

That changes today.

Let’s face it: Popsicles are amazing, especially when it’s 100 degrees outside like it was today in St. Louis. They’re cold, refreshing, and convenient–you can walk around eating them, no problem.

But popsicles have a dark side. They’re so cold when they hit your teeth! Maybe some people like that sensation, but I do not.

So for a long, long time, the way I’ve eaten a popsicle is to take it out of the freezer about 10-15 minutes before I want to eat it, let it soften a bit, then kind of let it mush off in my mouth.

(Sidenote: It appears it is impossible to talk about popsicles without it sounding sexual. My apologies. This is a serious topic.)

This method is serviceable, but it’s not ideal.

Today after lunch, while I was waiting for my three-fruit Trader Joes popsicle to become mushy, I got impatient. I was tired of the popsicle treating me like a second-class citizen.

So I said, “Screw it. I’m eating this thing with a spoon.” I got a bowl, a spoon, and I hacked away at that popsicle until it resembled Italian ice. It was amazing.

Today I took a stand for what I believe in. I believe that every man and woman should eat popsicles in the way that best suits them. For me, that way involves a bowl and a spoon, and I’m proud of it.


3 thoughts on “Screw It, I’m Eating Popsicles with a Spoon”

  1. I can’t believe people bite Popsicles. I lick and suck then nibble on them. Once a while I nibble a bigger piece and let it melts in my mouth. Mmmm… Now I want one of those chocolate shell ice cream popsicle. Ohhhhh…. yeeeaaaahhhh But it’s too late for it. 🙁

  2. I just read this, so I could read it dramatically making fun of my friend (in a joking way) so i found this helpful.


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