Sources Confirm My New Nephew Has 10 Toes

James Morrison toesRICHMOND, Virginia (AP) – After much deliberation, sources confirmed today that my new nephew, James, has 10 toes.

After exiting the womb of my sister on Friday, a number of photos were taken of James. As members of the press quickly noticed, none of the photos included his toes.

“We were pretty busy holding James and making sure Emily was comfortable,” said two-time Grandmother of the Year, my mother. “We simply forgot to count his toes.”

When this came to the attention of my alert and adorable and amazing niece, Anna went to work counting James’ toes.

“She actually only knows the numbers 1, 2, and 10,” said Anna’s father and awesome brother-in-law Joel. “So it’s a good thing that the normal number of toes happens to be one of those numbers.”

When Anna confirmed that James did indeed have 10 toes, Facebook nearly had to add a new server to accommodate the sheer number of likes, comments, and suggestions of other things to count (eyes, ears, nose, and even fingers).

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

Proud grandfather Jay supervised the official toe counting and confirmed the total, noting that a recount may be necessary on a future date when I get to see my nephew for the first time.

James decided not to comment on this article.

9 thoughts on “Sources Confirm My New Nephew Has 10 Toes”

    • Joe, I’ll have you know that my niece has over 2 years of experience at counting toes. Sure, there are more experienced toe-counters out there, but they weren’t available or interested. Also, did my niece have an ulterior motive? Absolutely–several, in fact, including “attention” and “juice box.” But I think she can be trusted. #toegate

  1. He was too busy asking anyone holding him, “Where’s that boob?” to comment.

    Welcome, little James! Looking good with that hat and all those toes. (I like his hat. It’s a very nice knitted hat.)

    And congratulations, Jamey! You are an uncle of ten toed boob drunk baby boy.

  2. Congrats to James for nailing this whole toe thing. He’s starting out strong in life.

    Also, he is going to go by James, or will they have a nickname for him? Will you whisper “Jamey” in his ear when no one is looking to subtly sway his preference towards your name?

    • Given that I’m Jamey and my dad is Jay, he’ll probably stick with James. But who knows? Nicknames happen. 🙂


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