The Rock Wins the Women’s World Cup

sites-league-files-image_nodes-2015-07-the-rockDisclaimer: The title of this post as well as some of the content of this post is parody. I don’t actually think The Rock–a man–won the Women’s World Cup.

Disclaimer: If it doesn’t make sense as to why this post now has a ton of disclaimers, read the comments.

It’s a scientific fact: The Rock makes everything better.

Disclaimer: I understand that there is no scientific study or grounds for my claim that this is a scientific fact. This is an exaggeration for the purpose of humor.

It’s one of those things you can’t explain, like baking soda, WD-40, or teacup pigs. It’s just the way it is. If you take anything–a movie, TV show, talk show appearance, anything–and insert even just a minute or two of The Rock into it, and it’s instantly better.

So what happens if you take an amazing Women’s World Cup final and add The Rock to it? Words cannot describe the awesomeness, but I will try.

Disclaimer: This is not insinuating in any way that the US women’s victory would not be amazing without The Rock. The Rock simply served as an personification for my own excitement.

Let’s start with the game itself. The US team played beautiful, aggressive, assertive soccer. The netted 3 goals in about 15 minutes, and Carli Lloyd capped that run with one of the best, most audacious goals I’ve ever seen: a 54-yard shot from midfield.

Disclaimer: As for the previous paragraph, there has never been a less sexist paragraph written about women’s sports. THAT is a scientific fact.

While I wanted the US women to win, I’m glad that Japan didn’t go out without a fight. They scored twice and played quite well for the rest of the game. The game was highly entertaining as a result, which is the whole point of this, right? Sports are entertainment.

Disclaimer: Saying that I didn’t want the US to crush Japan’s dignity through a blowout doesn’t mean that I’m any less patriotic than my fellow Americans.

So after the game I checked, and on it I found that none other than The Rock had sent a video to the US team a few hours earlier. You can see how psyched he is, and watching him get psyched made me get even more psyched about the game.

Disclaimer: In no way am I saying that the US women’s victory would be meaningless if it weren’t for The Rock’s endorsement. Their victory would stand on its own regardless of the gender of various celebrities rooting for them.

Congrats to the US Women’s National Team! And thanks, The Rock, for yet again making a great thing even better.

Disclaimer: If, after reading any of these completely unnecessary disclaimers, you still think this post is somehow sexist, please read my previous post about how I think the US women’s team is so much better than the US men’s team.

11 thoughts on “The Rock Wins the Women’s World Cup”

  1. The women were great but I am boycotting everything FIFA. You know how much the team got for dominating Japan? $2 million! Awesome, right? Until you find out that every men’s team that PARTICIPATED in the Men’s World Cup got $1.8 million, and the LOSING U.S. men’s team was awarded $8 million.

    I feel a bit sore about the women’s team working so hard and WINNING and *still* only getting 25% of what their loser male counterparts were given… and so it’s a bit of an insult to that injury for a man, in this case, the Rock, to be seen as completing the WOMEN’s triumphant win. Must every woman’s accomplishment be completed or endorsed by a man in order to mean anything?

    Honestly, Jamey, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this post hits me wrong.

    • I think they’re two separate things: I can be enthusiastic about the US women winning the World Cup (and The Rock) and at the same time think that FIFA is ridiculous. Suggesting or assuming otherwise would be like saying that I shouldn’t write about how much I love my cats without also talking about how declawing is wrong. As for the Rock getting excited about the team, there’s nothing gender-related to that statement at all. The Rock is simply a person who is getting excited about a team of people, and I’m a person who is excited about both. Where in my post did you read that every woman’s accomplishment must be endorsed by a man for it to mean anything?

      Let’s agree to that first and then I’ll rant about FIFA. Fair enough? 🙂

      Okay, FIFA rant: FIFA is terrible. It goes well beyond the disparity in pay. They also refused to hear the women’s concerns about playing on artificial turf–that was a huge issue leading up to the World Cup. Beyond that, the entire FIFA system is corrupt. I can’t even list all the different ways due to space limitations, but if you’ve seen Last Week Tonight over the past year, you’ve seen John Oliver detail a number of their transgressions.

      • Jamey, honestly it was your LEDE that set me off.. “The Rock Wins the Women’s World Cup” — really? No, he didn’t. THE TEAM did.

        And then you congratulate the Rock (what is his actual name, anyway?) after he recorded good wishes for a soccer team and then parenthetically congratulate the entire soccer team.

        You don’t see how that’s sexist? Seriously?

        • I’m sorry my attempt at humor offended you, but no, I don’t see the post as sexist. Sexism would indicate ingrained and institutionalized prejudice against or hatred of women or some type of discrimination against women, and my post does none of those things.

          There’s nothing wrong with me celebrating the US women’s national team, nor is there nothing wrong with me saying that I think The Rock is awesome in the same post.

          You’ve read this blog before. You know that 90% of the material here is tongue in cheek. If it helps, I’ll change the order of the last sentence and remove the parentheses. But in terms of picking your battles against sexism, I’m not sure that you’re directing your energy in the most effective way here.

          What do others thing? Is this blog entry sexist?

  2. The content of this post seems to be about what a great guy “The Rock” is for wishing them well and being a fan. That, and how The Rock made the game (and everything, apparently) better for Jamey. I can’t argue with that. I’m not sure I share the same opinion, but I don’t have anything against it either.

    The real issue here is the title. The Rock in no way won the Women’s World Cup. Is the implication that, without The Rock’s words of encouragement, they would not have won? I wished them well. Did I win the Women’s World Cup? The title could have been “The Rock cheers on the US Women’s National Team” or similar.

    Based on what I’ve seen, heard, and experienced from Jamey in regard to games he produces, I am surprised by this title. It has been my experience that Jamey is generally aware of and strives for gender equality, at least when it comes to game components and rules.

    Hopefully he can edit the title or clarify his meaning in some way.

    And for the record, looking at the link jewelyaz included, the participatory prize for men is $1.5 million, not $1.8 million. Either way, the women deserve more than the criminals at the head of FIFA seem willing to give.

    • John: The title is so clearly parody that it could not be more clear that it’s parody. I’m not sure how this could be more obvious. There’s nothing about this post that has anything to do with gender equality. Nowhere in the post do I compare the women to men, nor do I do anything obviously sexist like talk about the women’s hotness instead of their skills. I’m sure there are hundreds of posts on the internet that actually are sexist, but this is not one of them.

      I’ll add a disclaimer at the beginning of the post for those who don’t understand parody.

  3. I feel like I know what parody is, but I think that for it to come across as parody, you have to know the original source. I have no idea what the title is a parody of, and so my reaction was to take it at face value.

    To clarify, I don’t think the post is about gender equality at all. If anything, I think my point was that in my experience, you don’t make issue of gender, and when gender is discussed or referred to, it has always been respectful and fair. So when I take the title at face value, not recognizing it as parody, you do seem to credit The Rock for the win, which seems, at first, dismissive of the accomplishments of the women’s team.

    • In this case you really don’t have to know the original source to understand that the title is parody. It is not possible for The Rock–a man–to have won the women’s world cup. Parody is implied by the structure of the title.

      I’ve added disclaimers throughout the post. The disclaimers are also kind of parody, so maybe they need disclaimers too.

  4. OK, I get it, I’m an asshole for not getting a joke (and maybe for not knowing who Johnson is, either, but wrestling and the kind of movies he’s done are both WAY down the list of things that have any entertainment value to me). I’ll go back to work now.


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