What Is Your Ridiculous Cocktail of Choice?

kingsmanx23A few weeks ago I had high hopes for an entry called, “What Is Your DJ Name?” I thought the comments might yield a bevy of funny DJ names. Instead, there were 0 comments.

So I’m going to try again with another topic!

I watched a movie called Kingsman last week. It’s a decent action movie that tries to be the opposite of James Bond films in every possible way. This was epitomized when the main character–who appears to be about 16 years old–orders a cocktail in a fancy bar. Here’s his order:

“I’ll have a Martini. Gin, not vodka, of course, stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth.”

I laughed out loud. I don’t know what type of humor it is, but I love anything that involves directions of doing something while also doing something completely unrelated. Surely there’s a term for this.

Anyway, rather than try to be more clever than the Kingsman writer, I just thought I’d share this and see if you have a ridiculous cocktail of choice. In real life, on the rare occasion that I order a cocktail, I order it on the rocks, as I don’t like holding (and inevitably spilling) the drink stemmed glasses.

14 thoughts on “What Is Your Ridiculous Cocktail of Choice?”

  1. Well, I don’t know how ridiculous it is, but it’s a little complicated. It’s called a Russian Apple – not because there’s any actual apple flavor in it… but it’s Russian because of the Stoli, I suppose. In a pint glass with ice: 1 part Vodka, 1/2 peach schnapps, 1/2 midori, a tiny splash of pineapple and top off with cranberry juice. It’s delicious, smooth and potent!

  2. Alternatively, since it’s a pain to haul all that crap around, I get a Bartles & Jaymes fuzzy navel flavored wine cooler, drink the neck down and fill it back up with vodka. That’s delicious too and much more convenient.

  3. I was sad that no-one left you a DJ name so I just put one there.

    Regarding cocktails, I don’t usually drink when I’m out which means I’m almost always the designated driver. So make mine a Mocktail please barkeep! (Non-alcoholic for those who don’t know). Typically a Mocktail Mojito (or Faux-jito)

    • I should try that sometime. I don’t always want something alcoholic (in fact, it’s pretty rare), but I like elaborate drinks.

  4. My favorite cocktail from this summer is a cucumber melon martini like concoction. It includes cucumber vodka, simple syrup, lemon juice, sparkling water, ginger ale, and topped with a slice of cucumber and a melon ball. The key step to mixing this drink is to constantly remind yourself that the carbonated ingredients DO NOT go into the martini shaker, which I learned the hard way. When I make this drink at my place, I like to think back to the time when I learned that lesson and the cleanup involved (which included a bath for a sticky Jasper who was caught in crossfire of the drink explosion, and cleaning every surface in my kitchen). I had no idea that so little liquid could make such a mess.

      • Yep! The pressure of shaking the soda and sparkling water made the lid pop off and I remember it being like a drink volcano erupting out of the shaker.

    • Cucumber vodka is amazing, and your recipe sound much better than mine. I do the lazy version of that cocktail where I just mix it with Sprite!

      My drink orders aren’t that complicated, but my Taco Bell order is super high maintenance. In the rare instances I go there, I feel sorry for person behind the counter!

        • First of all, (say it with me, Trevor) lettuce does not belong on tacos. So that needs to come off. And then they’ve discontinued one of my favorites (the Baja Chalupa), so I have to recreate it now by adding in their spicy ranch to the regular chalupa. But the regular chalupa also comes with sour cream on it, and I find that’s just too much goopiness once the spicy ranch is added, so you have to remove the sour cream. But since you’re taking off the lettuce and the sour cream, you’re now left with too much space to fill, so I want extra tomatoes on there…

          And that’s just the order on one item – I usually have one or two things that I’m adding or removing from every item I get (especially that stupid lettuce). What’s weird is that I’m not that kind of person when I order anywhere else, but for some reason I’m very specific when it comes to Taco Bell – maybe that’s why I don’t bother with going there much anymore!

          And no, I’ve never tried any of their frozen drinks, but I’ll have to give that one a try. Strawberry Starbursts are one of my absolute favorite candies, and I can only imagine what it would be in delicious drink form!

          • Katie, I don’t know what you’re doing right now, but stop doing it and go buy a Strawberry Starburst frozen drink from Taco Bell. You will not regret it.

            Also, I think I’m starting to agree about lettuce on tacos.

            • Katie, as I was reading your original comment, I was wondering if you were going to mention the lettuce…and you mentioned the lettuce. I raise a glass of strawberry starburst frozen drink in your honor!

  5. That cracked me up too! Shaking vodka is actually awesome because you can get the shaker so cold that condensation shows on the outside. It was something I used to do to impress patrons when I tended bar (in addition to sprinkling artificial sweetener over a pool of flaming 151 in an ashtray – it sparks!). When someone ordered a very dry martini, I’d wave a bottle of vermouth over the glass.

    Crazy cocktails … I once made one as an apology. 1-1/4 oz vanilla vodka, 1/4 oz creme de cacao, 1/4 oz Gran Marnier, twist of lemon. I forget what it’s called but she’s not mad at me anymore. There’s a ridonkulous bartending book called “Steamdrunks” that has recipes intended for parties of 50 or more guests.


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