When Do You Eat the One Onion Ring?

jv6bkToday a question was posed online that stopped me in my tracks and made me rethink everything. Where I once had answers, I now only have questions. Where I once had words, I am lost in a sea of silence. Everything is a mystery now.

The question: When do you eat the one onion ring?

This refers to a situation where you order fries at a place like Burger King, and nestled among those fries is a single onion ring. If you’re like me, you enjoy onion rings in small doses, so it’s a nice surprise.

But when do you eat it? Before the fries, in the middle, or after you’ve consumed most/all of the fries?

This really stumped me. I’m not even kidding. I sat in silence for about 5 minutes as I thought about the optimal time to eat that onion ring. Every answer leaves me in doubt:

  • If I eat the lone onion ring first, it might make me begrudge all of the fries that follow for not being as awesome as the onion ring.
  • If I eat the it in the middle of the fries, it’s just going to get lost in a sea of potato mash.
  • If I eat it last, I might be too full to really appreciate the glory of the one true ring.

This leaves only a final, unacceptable answer: Don’t eat the onion ring at all. But that’s preposterous. Let’s be serious here.

My only answer is when I’ve eaten the onion ring in the past, which is first. It’s the first thing I eat. But what if that’s suboptimal? What if there’s a better way?

The only logical option is to test all three scenarios while receiving a CAT scan to monitor my brain’s reaction. It’ll be incredibly expensive, but I see no other way to know the answer.

Just in case, I’m hoping you have a solution for this question, because I’m at a loss. When do you eat the onion ring and why is it the best way?

12 thoughts on “When Do You Eat the One Onion Ring?”

  1. I eat the fry, as I get the onion rings when its an option, and I just eat it wherever it comes up in the cup of goodness. I have never given it a second thought.

    Reply
  2. You obviously have to eat the onion ring first before it has a chance to cool down too much. A lukewarm or (gasp!) cold onion ring is never going to live up to the standard set by one that’s hot and fresh. Let the onion ring live up to its full potential and eat it first! #justiceforonionrings

    Reply
    • That’s a great point–once the exterior stops being crispy, its value goes way down. There is a point early on when it’s TOO hot, but it doesn’t last long.

      Reply
  3. This is awesome. It reads like “A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds”.

    I had two thoughts while reading this.

    1) Sounds like Jamey should be ordering onion rings instead of fries.
    2) If the excitement is truly in getting the surprise, not in eating an onion ring rather than a French fry, have you considered the randomness approach? You spot the onion ring. Your heart jumps for joy. Then you look away and casually continue eating the fries. When your quivering, expectant fingers grasp the onion ring instead of a French fry, you eat it and experience the explosion of taste.

    Reply
    • Trev: Yeah, I seriously need to consider your first point. As for the second, I hadn’t thought of that, but I like it! I’ll add that to my CAT scan list.

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      • Eat the onion ring early on.

        On a somewhat related note, I read somewhere that Arby’s purposely adds a curly fry to a regular order of fries. Devious plan to order the superior curly fry on your next visit.

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  4. Onion ring first. Gotta have the goodness now. And if the fries suffer by comparison, so be it. Of course, you need to know that I am also always the first to sell wine in Viticulture, which is not necessarily a winning strategy.

    Reply
  5. Onion rings are an affront to everything decent about this world. Take the fries back, complain and demand an onion-free replacement. Nothing ruins a day like a stray onion.

    Or curry favor with your heathen friends by allowing them to remove the devil’s snack from your sight.

    Reply

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