The Ninth Love Language

While there are technically only 5 official love languages that I’m aware of, over the years I’ve added some of my own creation to the list. Just in case you’re not familiar with the concept of love languages, they are a gauge of how you are best loved (and conversely, how you best show love). For example, some people feel the most loved if someone gives them a gift, while others would feel the more loved by having a great conversation with a friend.

The running list so far is as follows:

  1. Acts of Service
  2. Touch
  3. Quality Time
  4. Words of Affirmation
  5. Gifts
  6. Chocolate
  7. Quantity Time
  8. Support of Presence

Like anything else, it’s a spectrum–there isn’t one right answer for anyone. But it is helpful to know your top 1-2 love languages, your bottom 1-2, as well as the top and bottom love languages for your spouse, friends, and family members.

Today I’d like to propose a new love language, one that recently occurred to me as potentially high on my list. My proposal for a ninth love language is thinking of you.

This equates to someone reaching out to you from afar (or from not that far) to bridge the distance and simply letting you know that they’re thinking of you. Maybe that’s all it is, maybe it’s a general idea (something made them laugh and they wanted to share), or maybe something reminded them specifically of you.

Whatever the reason, I’ve found that it feels really good to know that someone–particularly a significant other–is thinking about me, communicated via text or email. The more I care about the person, the better it feels.

I think this applies to romantic relationships in a much more prolific way than friendships. For example, if you have the “thinking of you” love language and you haven’t heard from your significant other all day, you might feel a little unloved (or if you reach out to them because you’re thinking of them and you don’t hear back for hours and hours). Then when they do reach out to you, then it feels amazing! But for a friend, you could go weeks without hearing from them, and all of a sudden they send you an article or a quick note, and that’s awesome.

Anyway, that’s my latest love language theory. What do you think? Can you relate to this one, or do you connect more with others?


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