Have You Been Surprised by a Marinara Pizza?

I learned an invaluable life lesson this weekend. As with most life lessons, it’s about food.

There’s a St. Louis restaurant called Union Loafers that makes superbly delicious pizza. We’ve been trying to order delivery and pickup from local restaurants to support them (and get good food), and yesterday I found myself craving that incomparable combination of bread, tomato sauce, and cheese.

I was craving pepperoni too, but I haven’t eaten meat in 3 months. I love pepperoni, but I don’t need it.

Megan wanted a classic, and I looked at the marinara and though, “Oh, that’s a classic with a little something extra.” So I ordered one of each.

When we got home, I looked at Megan’s pizza and saw a delicious combination of bread, tomato sauce, and cheese. Then I looked at my pizza and realized instantly that I had made a terrible mistake.

I had ordered a cheeseless pizza.

I don’t think Megan has ever seen me more devastated. Fortunately, we live near a grocery store, so I picked up some mozzarella and added my own cheese. It isn’t as good as that special, greasy, pizzeria cheese, but it did the trick.

I appreciate the existence of a cheeseless pizza–as the menu clearly says, it’s vegan, and I’m sure it’s much healthier than the cheese version. But it’s just not how I want to eat my pizza. If you feel the same way, hopefully you can avoid making the same mistake I did.

Have you ever been surprised by a pizza that wasn’t quite as you envisioned it?


6 Responses to “Have You Been Surprised by a Marinara Pizza?”

  1. T-Mac says:

    Yes, my friend, yes. There aren’t many things at which I’d consider myself an expert, a connoisseur, if you will. However, nary a pepperoni pizza exists in St. Louis that I haven’t poked, prodded, analyzed and dare I say, eaten.

    Let’s roll this one back nearly 20 years. I was a young, wet-behind-the-ears, bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed optimist ready to take on the world as I stepped off the plane in Sydney, Australia. Within minutes I had a pepperoni pizza in hand, as my “plane pizza” had long since been devoured. “Next time I’ll pack more pizza,” I told myself. I sat down to enjoy my first pizza, noting that the pepperoni was oddly shaped. After one bite I could tell that something was different…something was wrong. “This pepperoni is just some off-brand kind of salami!” I yelled, visibly disturbing the other customers. Nimble as a hare, I was back at the counter, shouting obscenities as I spat half-chewed pizza in the faces of the cashier and then the cook. Storming off, I vowed not to eat pizza from that establishment again.

    Little did I know, most turn-of-the-century pizza establishments Downunder consider it perfectly acceptable to list “pepperoni pizza” on their menu, but to use whatever sliced salami they want to satisfy the requisite “pepperoni”. It was a year of pizza disappointment my friends, that I endured, but a year that taught me perseverance, fortitude, and grit, as I patiently waited to taste the delicious sizzling meat, to enjoy the rich mouthfeel and subtle spice, and to feel the warm grease on my fingertips.

  2. Jamey Stegmaier says:

    This is hilarious. I think my favorite line is, “Within minutes I had a pepperoni pizza in hand, as my “plane pizza” had long since been devoured.”

    Watch out for marinara pizza, Trev! No cheese!?

  3. Adam Buckingham says:

    About 10 years ago, my wife and I were doing a food vacation in Italy. On our first night, we were in Modena staying at a Balsamic Vinegar farm in the same region where they make Prosciutto and Parmigiano Reggiano Cheese. We found a small country restaurant nearby for dinner. We ordered way too much food, because we thought we were supposed to.

    One thing we didn’t order was pizza. And yet, a few minutes after ordering, they brought us a pizza. We weren’t sure what to do about it, we didn’t speak Italian at all, and the waitstaff spoke very little English. So we just rolled with it, which is what we do when we’re on vacation. However, the pizza was just a thin crispy crust with a light brushing of marinara sauce. No cheese or toppings. After one bite, we were both blown away by how amazing it was. It was the perfect starter for our meal. We ate so much of the pizza that we weren’t hungry for much of the rest of our food that we’d ordered.

    We still talk about that pizza today as one of the best things we ate during that trip.

  4. […] past weekend, we ordered pizza from Union Loafers again (this time WITH cheese). On a whim while placing the order, I added a few loaves of bread to my cart. The apocalypse has […]

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