This weekend is exactly one year after we said goodbye to Biddy. I loved him like a son, raising him from kitten to old man over 16.5 years. It’s devastating to me that he’s already been gone for a full year.
It’s hard for me to put this into words, but I want to try: I knew how much I cared about Biddy when he was alive, and I felt it acutely on the day he died and in the weeks that followed. I wasn’t just feeling sadness and loss; I was also feeling joy and gratitude for having Biddy in my life for so long (I adopted him when I was 26 and said goodbye when I was 42).
Part of that gratitude was the eviseral realization that loving another creature or person that much is a true rarity. It deepened my appreciation for Biddy even more.
Now, I’ll pause for a second to say that of course I adore Walter, our remaining cat. He’s an adorable floofy 14-year-old princess whom I dote upon all day, every day. I love him too, and I hope he’s with us for many years to come. I’m particularly glad he’s content being the only cat here.
But with aforementioned realization came another realization: I don’t know if I have it in me to love another pet as much as I love Biddy. I don’t want to. As much as I try not to focus on how precious Biddy was, the fact remains that he was incredibly precious to me. The most precious.
For those of you who can relate to some of this or know someone who has pets, I’ll share three things I learned (both from this and from losing my father a few years ago):
- Sometimes you’ll probably think about your last day together, and that’s okay. But whenever you do, it’s helpful to also intentionally dredge up a memory from before that day.
- If you have a smartphone, once a week try to film a short video of your pet (with sound). I have tons of photos of Biddy–and I’m glad I do–but the videos really show his personality, and I wish I had more of them.
- Also on your smartphone, I highly recommend going to Settings/Wallpaper/Customize and telling your phone to post a different cat (or person) photo on your lock screen every day. (see recent article)
- If you see someone post on social media about losing a loved one (pet or person), it is always meaningful for you to comment, no matter how well you know the living or the deceased. Even just a few words are 100x more impactful than a heart emoji in these matters of loss.
Thanks for sitting with me for a moment today, and I hope you have (or have had or will have) the type of love that expands your capacity to love. I miss you dearly, Biddy, and I’m so grateful for our time together.
I can’t believe it’s been a year already. I still feel really bad about asking you how Biddy was during your Apiary Announcement Livecast this time last year, as I had no idea at the time that Biddy was nearing the end of his life – but I was glad to see the outpouring of love and best wishes from people when you made the announcement. I still think about my grandparents who passed away over the last 10 years, and 3 of our 4 greyhounds, but I’m also so glad that I had so many great times and memories with them.
RIP Biddy, and Jamey I hope this weekend isn’t too hard and that you get to celebrate his life.
Thank you, Stuart. I always loved people asking about Biddy, so there’s really no need to feel bad at all. I’m glad you’re able to look back on those special relationships with such fondness!
Wow I can’t believe it’s been 1 year already. Sending you lots of love
Thank you. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your love for Biddy with us. I’m so glad we all got to know that little fellow, and he lives on forever in so many Stonemaier games. Take care.
Thank you, Karel. It’s really special to me that Biddy shows up in our games. Just the other day I drafted (and reserved) the Biddy tile in a game of Stamp Swap. 🙂
I loved seeing Biddy at your game nights and seeing how much you loved him. I always said that my late pet Scout was the best cat I ever met and I stand by that. Our time with him was tragically cut short by complications with diabetes so I didn’t get to see the grumpy old man he inevitably would have grown into. You’re lucky to have been able to live with him for so long. Hang in there and snuggle Walter extra this week.
That means a lot to me, Pete–I was always curious to see how Biddy would interact with everyone at game night. I’d like to learn more about Scout the next time I see you.
My heart goes out to you, Jamey. Thanks for sharing your journey over the past year of grieving the loss of Biddy. I think it is a very special thing for us to feel that level of love for another creature. I have had many pets in my life, and I have loved, and grieved the loss of, all those sweet animals. But only now do I have an animal whom I cannot imagine life without, and whose eventual passing will be a different kind of grief than I have known before. I love your suggestion to take more videos–I have so many photos of Luna, but so few videos. Of course that will never be a substitute for the weight of her lying on me and the feeling of her purr, but it will get me a little closer to holding onto those memories. I’m grateful you can share what that kind of love was like for you, and I just want to say that it makes a lot of sense that you don’t think you have it in you for that again. Sometimes there is a sweet, magical, profound connection, and nothing can, or should, replace that. I’m glad you can hold that love and examine it and cherish it. Thanks for letting us sit with you for a moment.
I’m glad you found your special cat among many special pets, Susannah. Luna is very lucky to have you (and you her), and I know exactly what you’re talking about with the weight. I hope you’re able to capture some great videos of her in the years that come.
Hi Jamey.
Wow, that year went by very quickly. I am very sorry for your loss. A pet really does become a member of the family and it is really heartbreaking to lose them. I had a pet cat called Happy when I was a child, and I still think of him regularly and wish I had more time with him.
It is great that you have lots of fond memories with Biddy and I hope you get many more years with Walter. It is also good to hear that Walter is content being the only cat there. Both Biddy and Walter have been very lucky to have lived with such a loving family.
It was both a very short and a very long year in relation to Biddy.
Thank you for sharing that about Happy!