Megan has been out of town for over 3 weeks on an epic adventure with her mother to Australia, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Singapore. This isn’t the first time she’s traveled while I’ve stayed at home with Walter (and Biddy), as her love of travel surpasses mine, but it’s definitely the longest.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed some new routines and habits emerge, so I thought I’d record them for posterity:
- My sleep and meal schedule is slightly more varied. We typically get into bed and settle down for lunch/dinner at the same times every day. With her gone, the start and end times for my meals are much more varied, typically based on my work.
- My movie and television viewing styles are different. When Megan and I settle down to watch something, we watch it from start to finish on the couch. I’ve found, however, that I’m perfectly fine to split a movie or show into multiple views, catering to other things I want to do. I’ll often get up while watching to take care of other tasks within view of the TV (e.g., washing dishes). We have many similar tastes in movies and TV, but I’m also watching certain things she isn’t interested in (and I even watched Squid Game 2 dubbed instead of her preference of subtitled).
- I’ve mostly tried to eat food that we already have. I’ve picked up restaurant food twice over the last few weeks, but otherwise everything that I’ve eaten has been food I already had or that I prepared at home. We have various ingredients and dishes in our freezer and pantry that haven’t been touched in a long time, so I tried to clear them out. I was only somewhat successful, partially do the next point.
- I’ve hosted a lot more than usual. I love to host people for games and/or food (e.g., the recent mocktail party), while Megan generally prefers to go to other peoples’ houses. We’ve found a healthy compromise that works for us, but it was fun to “splurge” and host something every weekend while she was gone.
- I check email and social media on my phone in the morning from bed. Usually when Walter wakes me up, I’m up and out of the bed right away while Megan continues to sleep until a more reasonable time. But I’ve found that I’m so cozy in bed in the morning that I like to do a little digital tidying up before I get up.
The last few weeks have also given me a new appreciation for the various things Megan does around the house (and just her pitter-patter in general). I’m not sure if any of these new routines or habits will stick around after she returns in a few days–we’ll see!
Do your routines or habits change in any way when your partner is out of town?
I found that when I’m alone which doesn’t happen much, I barely generate any trash, laundry or dishes. I’m very sustainable.
Your ending comment, “The last few weeks have also given me a new appreciation for the various things Megan does around the house ” reminded me of an article I skimmed recently:
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/phpr.12929
Not saying this is describes your relationship, but it did help me reflect on my own relationship. I like to think of my husband as being more feminist than me, but I think we still end up falling into our gender roles. And sure, each relationship is different and if both parties acknowledge and agree with the division of labor, it’s fine. But definitely there are a few things in the article that very much describes our relationship and it was validating and insightful. After reading the article, my husband promptly took out the trash and put away the dishes. And afterwards, I still ended up cleaning the counter sink that he passed over. Oh well.
I know my husband is feminist, because he empowers me to do all the things the men do. For example, on Valentine’s Day, I was the lone female in line buying from See’s Candies along with all the other men in line buying chocolate boxes for their SO’s. (Also, usually, women are the ones packing and selling the chocolate. But it seems for V-day they hired a lot of young men to man the front on V day.)
A previous year on V-day, I was in line with all the men at a restaurant on V-day who were trying to get reservations/seats while their female counterparts waited in the cars. I know this, because sometimes the women would come out of the car dressed to the nine’s, say something quick to their counterpart, and go back to the car where it was warmer and more comfortable. So what I guess I’m saying is, true male feminists empower their female counterparts to do both the women work AND the men work (at least on V day).
I guess my husband hasn’t gone out of town yet without me. I’ve left him behind (to do babysitting for a few months – another women role I get to fulfill and I’m still cooking and cleaning I guess). And when I’m away, he usually eats my fancy yogurt out of spite. Then he takes up some big project that takes up floor and table space so he can leave his electronics and wires and tools lying around without worry of me tidying it up, so when I get back I can clean some more. Yay. And I’ve tried not cleaning, but I usually end up stepping on something that induces pain, so I’ve been classically trained the Pavlov way to give in to my urges and pick up the floor.
Humor aside, my husband does a lot around the apartment (he actually cooks most of the time), I’m thankful for our relationship. And he plays board games, so it’s fine. This is fine.
Thanks Alaena! I’ll check it out. I would say that our chores are split pretty well: I take out the trash and recycling, and I wash dishes (both by hand and put them in the dishwasher). Megan typically takes dishes out of the dry rack and out of the dishwasher, and she likes to the the laundry. We both vacuum (though she covers more of the house than I do). I am the cook, I do the grocery shopping, and I clean the kitchen. When we host, I cook, set up, and clean up afterwards. We each have our own bathroom, so we each clean our own bathrooms.
There’s certainly always room to grow and learn, but in terms of chores and household responsibilities, I think we have a really good balance that doesn’t fall into antiquated roles.