Jamey’s friend Josh answers unanswerable questions.

Questions of the Day

We were all taught by GI Joe that “knowing is half the battle.” What are the other parts of the battle?

Why is a bar called a “bar”?

One of the most common literary and cinematic devices is the “fish out of water,” the guy who leaves the only place he knows well and ventures into a land or a situation where he’s in over his head. The device I understand. The expression, not so much. If you take a fish out of the water, doesn’t it just die?

When people speak of a better place or a better situation than the one they’re in, they often refer to “the land of milk and honey.” My question, or questions: Is there an actual land of milk and honey? Where is it? Why don’t people just move there? Also, why milk and honey? Why not 7-Up and corn syrup? Would you really want to live in a land of milk and honey? Wouldn’t the milk just go bad, and the bee situation quite dangerous?

Who would you rather encounter in a dark alley: A man with a gun, or a man with a bow and arrow?

At weddings, the groom slips his hands up the brideʼs dress and pulls out the garter. So in turn, why doesnʼt the bride extract the bouquet from the groomʼs pants?

Who is the Jose referred to in the phrase, “No way, Jose”? What did he do that was so wrong?

“Jose” (whose real name ironically wasn’t even Jose but rather Hector Franklin Delano Canizares, more on that later) was a Conquistador who fought with us in the Spanish American War, you know, the one where we fought for our independence with Mexico against Spain in 1812. I won’t go into all of the details here, but Hector did some pretty crazy and heroic things during the war, including but not limited to the planting of the flag at Iwo Jima, building and piloting the first manned submarine, dying in a kamikaze style plane crash on the deck of a Spanish aircraft carrier, and assassinating Hitler.

Following the war, he was asked to meet President Lincoln to receive a well earned congratulations and coveted Key to the United States award. While standing on the steps of the White House, Hector, who had not used the bathroom since the war began, discretely asked if he may be excused a moment to use the presidential facilities.

President Lincoln, who was terrible with names, turned to Hector and quite loudly said “No way, Jose.” He then shared a hearty laugh with Vice President Taft, the phrase stuck, and they all lived happily ever after.

Except for Hector who died of a horribly painful kidney infection three days later.

Other JoshVision Entries

The Epic of the Corolla, Part 1

The Epic of the Corolla, Part 2

Top 5 Ways to Survive the Economic Crisis

Kendall vs Kindle #1

JoshVision–It’s Not the Years, Honey. It’s the Mileage.

General Mailbag Questions

From the Mailbag

From the Mailbag: Harry Potter

From the Mailbag: Men’s Shirts

From the Mailbag: Leo

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