Posts Tagged ‘contrivance’

Movie Contrivance #15: Sword Fighting

Movie Contrivance #15: Sword Fighting

I have two major qualms about sword fights in movies. The first comes to you thanks to a delightful little film called Snow White and the Huntsman. My two-word review of this movie is: “Good try.” It’s the type of movie that has some solid aspects on the surface, but in the long run it […]


Movie Contrivance #14: I’m Pregnant

Movie Contrivance #14: I'm Pregnant

People tell other people they’re pregnant so often on TV and in movies that it’s no longer a surprise. It’s officially a contrivance. In movies, the revelation that someone is pregnant always happens when something crazy is happening, and the pregnant person isn’t reacting as they normally would, and then they say those fateful words: […]


Movie Contrivance #13: Traveling Back in Time

Movie Contrivance #13: Traveling Back in Time

Yes, I know that Back to the Future is one of the most well-liked, well-written, entertaining movies ever, and its plot hinges entirely on traveling back in time. But consider this: Say I created a time machine that allowed me to travel back in time. I travel back to 1983 and steal the script for […]


Movie Contrivance #12: Disorienting Action Sequences

Movie Contrivance #12: Disorienting Action Sequences

If you don’t know anything about The Hunger Games, don’t worry–there are no spoilers below. (And if you really don’t know anything about The Hunger Games, I can assure you that it is not, as one unwitting friend guessed yesterday, “Man vs. Food but teams”). After devouring all three Hunger Games books the day they came out, […]


Contrivance #11: Friends with ‘Fros

Contrivance #11: Friends with 'Fros

Today I was watching the 49ers decide that they had no interest in going to the Super Bowl when I noticed a person in two different commercials who seemed familiar. Rather, he was a type of person, not the same exact person. The type of guy I saw in both commercials was a guy with […]


Contrivance #10: Single Adults

Contrivance #10: Single Adults

Have you noticed that all single adults–especially those 30 and over–are portrayed as unsuccessful? I started thinking about this while watching that terrible movie Young Adult. In the movie, Charlize Theron is a successful writer (albeit a ghost writer, but successful nonetheless). But the movie portrays the successful people as those who had settled down […]


Contrivance #9: Walking Away in the Middle of the Conversation

Contrivance #9: Walking Away in the Middle of the Conversation

Trev sent this contrivance to me a while ago, and I’m going to reprint it verbatim since he said it so well (with paragraph breaks for added drama): In TV and movies, scenes always end with one person walking out of the room or just not saying somethng important. This NEVER happens in real life. […]


Contrivance #8: Transparent Computer Screens in the Future

Contrivance #8: Transparent Computer Screens in the Future

Have you ever noticed that all computer screens in the future are transparent? Explain to me the logic in this. Why on earth are transparent computer screens considered better technological design than current computer screens? Here’s how I see it: The only benefit to having a transparent screen is that people on the other side […]


Contrivance #7: Bad Boys

Contrivance #7: Bad Boys

A few weeks ago when I started the movie contrivance series, two readers (I can’t remember who now) wrote in with two contrivances about bad boys: Girl meets guy, girl instantly takes a dislike to guy. Guy does not change and continues to infuriate girl until suddenly girl realised she is in love with said […]


Contrivance #6: Public Fountains

Contrivance #6: Public Fountains

A few months ago, I got a text from a friend in my neighborhood. “Bob and I are going to splash around in the public fountain. U in?” she wrote. I texted back. “I wouldn’t step foot in those syringe-filled waters if you paid me.” Obviously there probably aren’t fresh needles festering in the fountain […]


Contrivance #5: Men Talking Nose-to-Nose

Contrivance #5: Men Talking Nose-to-Nose

Take a second to think about your last face-to-face interaction with a human being. How far away was your face from their face? Five feet? Seven feet? If you lived in the movies, your face would have been less than a foot from your conversation partner. If it was a heated discussion, your noses may […]


Contrivance #4: Before the Plane Departs

Contrivance #4: Before the Plane Departs

Warning: I’m going to stomp on sacred ground in a few paragraphs. That’s right. I’m going to badmouth Friends. But before I get there, let’s talk about Garden State and She’s Out of My League and any movie where the protagonist makes a last-second dash to the airport to tell the girl he loves her. […]


Contrivance #3: Stop the Wedding!

Contrivance #3: Stop the Wedding!

If I had a nickle for every time I waited until the last minute to tell a woman I love her while she stood in front of hundreds of people at her wedding… This happens in movies all the time. The most recent example I can think of (although I’m sure there are others) is […]


Contrivance #2: Clearing a Desk for Sex

Contrivance #2: Clearing a Desk for Sex

I promise that not all of these contrivances will be sexual. But this one is worth mentioning. In movies and TV shows, people are constantly swiping everything off their desk to clear a path for sex. Doesn’t matter what’s on the desk–computer, coffee mugs, pencil holders, important documents–everything  ends up on the floor. It’s meant […]


Contrivance #1: Pre-Sex Presenting

Contrivance #1: Pre-Sex Presenting

This is a first in a new series on this blog that I’m calling Contrivances. It will consist of tropes and cliches that occur in movies, books, songs, etc that don’t make sense because they never, ever happen in real life. Feel free to submit any that you notice to me at jamey.stegmaier@gmail.com. The other […]