What Would Have Been Biddy’s 17th Birthday

February 20 would have been Biddy’s 17th birthday had he not passed away due to intestinal cancer just over 5 months ago.

I lay in bed last night unable to fall asleep as I found myself thinking about Biddy. Before the cancer, he was a big, substantial cat, and he would often plop down next to me in bed, his back pressed against mine. It was really comforting to have him lean against me. Back in the days when I was the only human in the bed, he would nuzzle his head deep into the blankets on my chest.

I tried to show Biddy my love for him every day, but he got special attention on his birthday. Extra treats, extra snuggles, extra conversations, extra patience. I’d bring out some of his favorite forgotten toys. He didn’t know what day it was, and I wasn’t even there on his actual day of birth, but he was worth celebrating all the same.

We had snow in St. Louis this past weekend. Today I was looking through old birthday photos of Biddy, and I found this photo of him on his 14th birthday, big and healthy, venturing outside to leave tiny footprints on the patio. He’d trot back inside afterwards expecting a treat for his bravery, and I always gave it to him.

Last night I thought back before we lived in this condo. I had a different desk and a different chair back then, and for most of the day I’d share the chair with Biddy. Sometimes he’d wander off to find another spot, and I’d find him reclining on the couch or on the bed. There was something deeply human about the way he’d look at me if I walked into a room where he was busy doing his own thing.

My brain still hasn’t learned to fully comprehend why Biddy isn’t here anymore. It just doesn’t fully compute. He should still be here, where is always was.

Of course, in a way he is here. He’s in the photos around the house. He’s on his carpet and in his tent and on his mat, all of which are still here where they belong. He’s in the fridge with his insulin. He’s with his canned food that he loved so much until his body stopped letting him digest it. He’s in my memories and my heart. He’s with Walter and Megan. And I can still sometimes feel him leaning against my back at night, all 18 pounds of him.

Happy birthday, Biddy. I miss you so much. I can’t be with you today, so lean against my dad instead.

8 thoughts on “What Would Have Been Biddy’s 17th Birthday”

  1. The idea of Biddy leaning against your dad is a comforting thought. In memory of Biddy, I’ll give my senior dog extra love and attention today 🙂

    Reply
  2. Rest in Peace Biddy. It is indeed a lovely thought to think that Biddy and your Dad are with each other somewhere right now. Cats and dogs really do become part of the family and it is very sad to lose them, especially when they have been with you a long time. My best wishes to you, Walter and Megan on this sad day.

    Reply
  3. Times when a special four-legged buddy is leaning against you is so precious and special. Your last wish sent out to Biddy and your dad… This post really hit me in the feels. I don’t have good words for you, but thank you for reminding me of how precious (any kind of) family is to us all.

    Reply
  4. Biddy left an imprint in your life and your heart. I can’t even let myself think about how we would be without our Teddy .
    Happy birthday Biddy

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Discover more from jameystegmaier.com

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading