Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 31-40

workaholics_rooftop_pullingchicks_tunein_V6It’s time for my annual ranking of the top grievances proposed at my Festivus party. Technically it’s not my ranking, as I wrote a number of the 71 grievances myself. Instead I sent that list of grievances to 4 of the funniest people I know who weren’t at the party due to excuses like “living in Virginia” and “being super lame.”

My friend Gabby is up first. Gabby had a tough job, as he had to not only pick 31-40, but in doing so also eliminate 31 grievances. Here are his picks:

40. When someone (a child) pukes in your car and you can’t get rid of the smell no matter how hard you try.

39. Bitstrips. Seriously, people, your life isn’t an animated film. Leave that to Pixar.

38. Men pole dancing at Festivus.

37. Age shaming.

36. Bathing suit shopping.

35. Cars that do not view bicyclists as other cars! (someone added: Bicyclists who think they’re a car. Get on the sidewalk!)

34. Jamey can only do 16 pullups—weak sauce!

33. The show Workaholics ended without tying up all the loose plot lines and unanswered questions.

32. Coming up with names for things that don’t need names (“twerking”) while not naming things that need names (i.e., the feeling that you’re disappointing someone).

31. After 10 years, I still forget to bring grievances to Festivus.

Also, in defiance of tradition, I’d like to add the following grievances that the judges chose not to include in the Top 40:

  • Organ thieves who don’t leave a note.
  • When people start a speech by saying, “This will be short.” And then talk for 10 hours.

What’s your favorite of the above grievances? Join us tomorrow as Bryce ranks 21-30!

8 thoughts on “Top Festivus Grievances of 2013: 31-40”

  1. I may be mistaken, but should the first one you included from the bottom 31 read “thieves” instead of “donors”? (Although it would be legitimately funnier if someone received an organ donation and was steaming mad that his new liver didn’t come with a sweet note about how it grew up in a good home.)

    • Trevor, I think you’re right, and that way makes more sense. Also, I thought there was a second part to that grievance when it was on the board…but I could be thinking of a different one. (Note to self: write letters for future organ recipients to keep in wallet with license/donor card… just in case.)


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